Did you ever wonder how self-esteem impacts your ability to manage your time?

The impact on your time can be quite enormous.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how you regard yourself – your opinion of yourself – how you think of yourself.  Self-esteem comes in varying degrees.

For instance, if you have trouble looking in the mirror at yourself because all you see are flaws, your self-esteem is rather low.  If you go into a tirade about how stupid you are every time you make a mistake, that’s low self-esteem. The mind is occupied with negativity about the self.   

The result of such a poor opinion of oneself carries with it an important deep feeling: undeserving.   Undeserving translates into not making decisions about what YOU want and going after it.  Often, you go after things that other people want or simply block yourself from moving forward.  Lots of time and energy is wasted on the negative or in the wrong direction:

• “My nose is way too big”
• “I hate being me”
• “Why can’t I be more like my friend”
• “Why am I so stupid?”
• “If I become a doctor, my mom and dad will be proud of me.  I’d rather be a carpenter but they would be so disappointed with that choice.”

These and many other excuses cover up the real issue:  you don’t deserve what you want

What is time management?

Time management is, in essence, managing your life to get what you want.  What is your life?  Time.  If you run out of time, you’re dead.

How do self-esteem and time management connect?

If you think you deserve what you want, you use your time to find ways and means to get it or a reasonable facsimile.  Just that thought alone will set you on a positive path.  After all, the feeling of “deserving” comes from thinking well of yourself.  Yes, it is a tight-knit circle!

If you think you don’t deserve to get what you want, you fill your mind and your time focusing on your shortcomings either real or imaginary.  Either way, it’s a destructive way to live your life.

Thinking poorly about yourself impacts how you walk, talk, think, behave, look and dress and . . . . the things you do.  People with low self-esteem often look meek or frightened, defer eye contact at all costs, rarely talk to strangers spontaneously.  The colors they wear are drab – in other words, they do everything in their power to assure that no one  pays attention to them.  It doesn’t depend either whether they are beautiful on the inside or the outside – the message they generate to the outside world is “I don’t feel very good about me.”  The outside world responds:  “If you don’t feel good about yourself, why should I?”  So they are often ignored or put upon or “unseen”.

Their appearance suggests to others they don’t want more so even people who think highly of them avoid promoting them for any reason – for job advancement, for romance, for friendships, etc

The irony here is that people with low self-esteem may actually be very talented or beautiful physically or both or may get top marks in school or work very hard in their jobs.  They have incredible attributes which is covered up because of the way they think of themselves.

If you have a good opinion of yourself, everything about you is different – you walk with confidence, you talk to whomever you need to in order to find the pieces you need to get what you want, your dress is sharp and focused, your eye contact tells others you are on a mission and interested in them and what they have to say.  You get noticed and many people will help you – not everyone – but many. 

When we don’t go after what we want because we don’t think we deserve it, we’re wasting our lives, our valuable gifts and deny the world the value these gifts provide to society as a whole and rewards that accompany their development.

If your time is not being used to get what you want, ask yourself why.  There is absolutely nothing in your way except you.  Some of the worst tyrants in the world and some of the most physcially ugly people in the world have achieved great things in their lives only because they thought well of themselves and used their time to get what they wanted.  When you’re considering those extremes of personality and looks, you know there aren’t any excuses except the fantasy you’ve created in your mind about yourself.

How will you be spending your time from this point on?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

We all know it’s coming.

The crunch.

It will happen.

Why don’t we prepare?  Wishful thinking perhaps???

The holidays are over – Christmas brought around a wonderfully crazy time and the welcoming of the New Year allowed us to dream of possibilities.

It’s a slow recovery but the lull is almost over.  Soon, high gear will be the every day norm as projects at work intensify, new ones come along and the associated challenges pile up.

Prepare Now to Avoid Huge Stress

Take a piece of paper.  On the left hand side, down the side of the page, write in hours from 12 midnight to 11 pm – every half hour eg 12, 12:30 am, 1 am, etc.  Across the top, write the days of the week – all 7 days – Mon, Tues, Wed, etc.

For each day, write in the activities for each hour.  For instance, say you sleep from 10 pm to 6 am, so block that time off and write in what you do – Sleep.  And so on for every other activity.  Say, at 6 am, you prepare your body for work – grooming, dressing, eating – write down beside 6 am, these activities and block off the time it takes.  If it’s an hour, then you have blocked 6 to 7 am for work preparation.  But . . . wait . . . you don’t go to work on Saturday and Sunday —- likely your schedule will change.  Pay attention to what you are writing down.

Keep filling in this table until you have included everything you know you do regularly for each day.

You can break this down further for some of the big blocks of time like work time.  List the times you email, return calls, work on projects, etc.  Include as many regular activities as you can.

Now, the sobering part.  You’ll see one of two things:

1.  You have very little spare time to do anything more than you are doing or

2.  You have a lot of spare time to fill

Why Should You Do This Exercise?

To prevent from over booking yourself and creating a lot of stress in your life.

There will always be crunch times in life brought on by the unexpected.

But you can control what you say yes to.

For instance, are you forever volunteering at work only to find that you must stay late to finish your regular work?  Do you follow the crowd after work and never indulge in the activities you would really like to engage in?  If you have a lot time to spare, it’s not an issue.  But if you find you have little time to spare, then this exercise is for you.  You’ll see visually how little time you have to spare and when you do say yes to something new, you’ll be doing so consciously inserting the activity sanely.  Saying no is a great time and stress saver!

Try it.  You might like what you find!

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

New Year – New You – How?

It can be simple or it can be complicated.

Which would you like it to be?

Yes, it is up to you.

Nothing in this world is complicated – nothing – except those things which people make complicated. 

Man-Made Complications can be:

• an excuse – “My life is so complicated, no one can figure it out.”
• a fantasy – “I’m so special, there are no answers for me”
• appearance of false self-importance – “I’m so superior intellectually no one else can understand what I know”
• keep people out or away – “If you don’t understand, then you can’t be a part of my world.”
• get rich – “I know something you don’t.  If you want to know, you’ll have to pay me a lot of money to fix you”

How do I know?  Experience. 

Experience has taught me that life is actually quite simple. Human thought makes it complicated.

Humans see themselves as the most intelligent of beasts, however, that notion can also separate us and create an atmosphere in which it is possible for some but not all.

Anything is possible for everyone.  It depends on how we’ve been programmed.  And programmed we’ve all been by our parents, relatives, friends, academia, society, books, tv, internet, and a host of other sources impacting your life.

The great thing about people is that they can re-program themselves if they give up notions.  Step-by-step, as a process, it can be done successfully.

If you are a subscriber, you have found that the free goal setting you received when you signed up to this blog has allowed you to achieve some of your goals.  Why?  What is a goal? 

A goal is simply an attempt to change your life.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Why?  Because you find that you really didn’t want what you thought you wanted and couldn’t stick with the program.  Lack of “stickability” tells you the goal you set out to accomplish was not something you really, really want.

New you – what is that?  It’s simply a goal.  Do you want it?

If you do, then use the goal accomplishing system you’ve received and begin – slowly, progressively, daily.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

What Christmas Gift Fits All?

Can you think of what that might be?  Some will automatically think chocolate, another will think love and yet another will think pen.

Any of these answers, of course, may fit but what if that someone doesn’t like chocolate like one of my friends or the expression of your love to your boss might seem inappropriate or someone prefers fine nib to the medium you gave them?

Yet, there is something that everyone appreciates.  It comes in two parts.

One Christmas with a group of friends, we agreed not to buy each other gifts but to give each other something much more important – something that has lasted years.  I still have mine from that first year.  It meant a lot and has sustained me through some very difficult times when I doubted my abilities and even myself.

And this year, I would add another component.  Often, it is something left unspoken amongst friends and family and others we interact with frequently or not often enough.

You can include these in a Christmas card or along with a physical gift or simply give it to them on a simple piece of paper.

1.  List three things that you admire about that person.  It could be how kind they are to animals or the way they help family, friends and neighbors in need or how their smile lights up everyone’s life every time they interact.  Simple.  One or two sentences.

2.  Express your gratitude.  Just one thing.  Perhaps tell your husband how much you appreciate how he is a sounding board for issues at work throughout the year,  or relate to your mother and father how their advice saved you a lot of time and energy or how much you appreciate your friend’s ability to make you laugh. 

This gift can be given to EVERYONE on your list – everyone - your great mechanic who takes the special step of vacuuming your car, your boss who treats everyone fairly, your cleaning person who does such a great job week after week, your brother who helped you with renovations, your sister who guided you through a career choices – the list is endless – nieces, nephews, grandparents, friends, acquaintances, clients – there isn’t a person alive who doesn’t like to receive appreciation for their gifts and talents.  And, everyone loves to receive an expression of gratitude for something they gave without expectation of anything in return.

You may be very surprised at the reactions.  Some will cry.  Others will be shy.  And yet others will be pensive.  It’s not often we share our good feelings about others’ talents and gifts.  Everyone loves to be noticed.  Everyone loves to receive a positive expression about the marvelous parts of them.  Sometimes we appreciate what people do for us but we don’t verbalize it in writing. 

Christmas is a time of giving. 

Open your heart and fill others’ hearts with joy – real joy of connection – human to human.  Make it about them.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

Possibilities

 Another 24 Hours?

More time – “I need more time” comes out of people’s mouths every single day.  Would adding another 24 hours a day to your life make a significant difference to your life?  Did you ever think about that question?

In what other areas of your life did you have a wish for more?  “If I had more . . . .”  – money, more “stuff”, more leisure, more clothes, more jewelry, more education, more friends, more love  . . . “I would be . . . . ” happier, better off, feeling good, earning more, be smarter, etc.

How many of you have ever thought that way?  Likely, everyone.

For most of us, we do get “more” only to find that we haven’t found what we thought we would realize from having “more”.  Why do you think that is?

The Trap of “More”

When we want more, it’s because there is something inside us that is unsatisfied.  Instead of “fixing” that dissatisfaction internally, we look externally for something to fill the void.  Externals don’t.  Externals don’t fix a thing and, in fact, will likely only increase the dissatisfaction inside.

The Key

We have all we need. 

The key is understanding that we don’t need “more” of anything.  Instead, we should be maximizing what we have – our talents, our relationships with family and friends, our experiences and our connection to our world.  That’s what will pay the dividends.  Being all we can be.

If you don’t believe it, drive or walk in wealthy neighborhood alleys on garbage days.  You’ll see the carnage of “having more” – a physical representation.  The wealthy have a lot of money, buy many items, and what we find in the alleys on garbage day is waste – expensive bikes which have never been used, clothes with price tags still on them, collectibles, usable electronics . . . . has “more” solved anything?  Buying, buying, buying for the sake of buying the latest and greatest and yet what is purchased is obviously not appreciated and not used.  Ever wonder what they are looking for? 

This waste is symbolic of what we all do in some way in our lives. 

We are all rich, we just don’t know it.  We squander what we have and wish for something else.

Adding another 24 hours in anyone’s day wouldn’t make a difference at all to our lives because we would live it precisely the way we are living our current 24 hours. 

The Gift We All Have

Time management is not about how many hours we have, it’s how we use those hours to maximize the possibilities of our lives.  We come into this world complete. 

We each are very special with our very own particular “blueprint” by which we can define for ourselves.  We have the freedom of will to utilize our special attributes our way.

Won’t you give yourself some time today to think about what an incredible being you are.  Won’t you take the time this week to seriously look at your talents and abilities and put them to use for the life you want?  You’re amazing – believe it – live it – be it – whatever “it” is for you in particular!  Uniqueness – we all have it – for a reason.  What will you do with yours?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

September 30th – the Holiday Season has arrived.

• October presents Thanksgiving
• October also offers Hallowe’en
• November is Remembrance Day
• December presents us with Christmas and all the socializing and activities accompanies that time of the year – for some, a vacation is included and, of course, let’s remember Christmas Eve and Boxing Day – each a splendid celebration!
• January opens a new year for us but New Year’s Eve hits a high note not long after Christmas

Are you ready?

Most people might be miffed by that question and yet now, the end of  September is the time to look ahead and plan now because once Thanksgiving hits, it’s one event after another all the while keeping up with everything you do now.  If you have relatives in the US, then you need to account for one more holiday, the November Thanksgiving.

Also, for most people, October and November are incredibly busy times in their workplace.  There is an intensity about those months. 

Now is the Time

Good time management means looking ahead to what seems a long way away.  You’ll be happy you took the time now to discuss and plan events. 

For instance, will you be giving a party for Hallowe’en?  Who will be on the guest list?  Decorations?   Food?  Drinks?  Games?  Costumes? If not now, when – it’s 31 days away – not long.  You know how time flies!

At the same time, plan the other events – what will you be doing for Thanksgiving?  That’s just 2 weeks away – will you be going out for dinner, having people over, and what does that entail?

Remembrance Day – will you attend services?  If so, will you take people with you?  Who?  Where will you meet?  What will you do afterwards?  Or will you go away?

Christmas activities – mid-November onwards – gifts? parties? shopping? baking? Christmas Eve?  Christmas Day? Boxing Day?  What will you need for the activities you plan? 

The Best Planning

Discuss and decide what you will do on each of those events.  Decide what you’ll need to do and have  for each of them – make lists — brainstorm with others. 

Then work backwards from the date of the event, adding tasks to your schedule leading to the event.  The scheduling at this time will assure  that you have all you need on the day.  September 30th week-end is the perfect week-end to plan and schedule before the winter sports begin, classes, meetings, fundraisers and increased workloads. 

You’ll be glad you did.  You’ll reduce your stress around the holidays, you’ll enjoy them more and everyone else will too!

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

When should you speak up?

People would say:

• never – “I’ll lose my job”, “I’ll make enemies”, “I won’t be respected for a difference of opinion”, “It’s not my problem. I don’t want to get involved”, “I don’t like it but I need to live with it”, “I’m the peacemaker”, “I don’t want to cause trouble”, “People won’t like me”

• sometimes – “If it’ll get me what I want”, “When it’s serious enough”, “When I’m asked for my opinion”
• depends – “Depends on whether or not I have the time”, “Depends on how it will affect me”, “Depends on what other people think first”

And so people show up to work every day, put their heads down and say nothing unless spoken to.  In their personal lives, they repeat the same habit – speaking up very little to “keep the peace”.

The Inevitable

One day, as it will inevitably happen, there will be an explosion.

Everyone, at one time or another,  shows up at work and in their personal lives tired, irritable, and generally not well.  It’s all too much.  They blow.  They say something to someone and it’s not good.  All that pent up energy simply discharges.

Like a volcano, they have “blown their top”.  Pressure has built up so much, sometimes over many years, that the wrong thing is said to the wrong person with the wrong reaction!

What’s the Alternative?

Practice.

Speaking up is not a one time event.  It’s a skill developed over time and the learning never stops.

When a person practices daily to speak up in work and social situations, that person increases their ability to communicate effectively.

When a person explodes, no one hears them.  Like a volcano, the eruption is so intense that people are taken aback by the intensity and the focus of others becomes to calm the person down instead of listening to what is being said.

Where Do You Start?

Start by deciding every day will be practice day.  When a difference of opinion arises, speak up even in benign situations such as where to have lunch.  Notice the words and tone of voice used and after the exchange, think about how the message could have been conveyed better or pat yourself on the back for a successful exchange.

Practice.  Practice.  Practice.

With practice, an eruption is unlikely to happen unless planned for a purpose.  Sometimes eruptions can be effective but great care is required in the execution.

If a person is always practicing expressing themselves, others will get used to it and a strong opinion won’t be such a shock.  Self-control will be easier and the message is likely to be heard even if the outcome is disagreement.

Expect Disagreement.

We are all so different.  What seems to be perfectly logical and make sense to one person, doesn’t to another.  Everyone expressing themselves in a respectful way often results in surprising outcomes where collaboration or co-operation may occur or a “truce” of sorts.  If not, at least everyone knows where everyone else stands on an issue which, in itself,  is a form of peace.  Dialogue can continue.

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

Is Time Management Static? 

It would seem so when people talk about time management.  “I adopted this, it works well” 

However, time management needs to be fluid.  No person is a robot.  Everyone’s life changes constantly even when we think it remains the same. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, static of about anyone’s life.  What works well at one point in life may not be so effective under different circumstances.

Ebbs and Tides – the colors of life

The ebbs and tides of life require adjustments and that’s why so many people get into trouble with managing their time. 

24 hours – that’s all we have – 24 hours – no more, no less, no matter what circumstances have appeared in your life.  The big mistake people make is simply not adjusting for life’s ever changing tides, not even the expected ones.

For instance, a couple expecting a baby reel with excitement.  They are told by friends and family that their lives will change.   Armed with this valuable knowledge, do most couples think ahead?  Most of often not.  Baby comes and exhaustion sets in.

What if these soon-to-be new parents sat down ahead of baby’s arrival and mapped out their time commitments – what will change, what will each person  give up and how will everyone’s needs be accommodated?  Remember, baby is an “add in” – something has to be taken out to make space.  Baby doesn’t much care.  Baby needs what baby needs when it needs it and, if anyone around them is stressed and anxious, so will baby.  Baby will pick up on the “vibes” of the parents and react accordingly.  Everyone’s stress rises even more!

Stress

I sincerely believe that if people did more of this kind of give and take planning with their schedules before major events  in their lives, people would reduce their stress levels.  

Every time something new enters our lives, we must give up something else -  two separate objects cannot occupy the same space.  For instance, if you have a couch in your living room, your chairs cannot occupy the same space as your couch.  Chairs will take up a certain amount of square footage and so will your couch.

As fluid as our lives are, time management must work in tandem with this ever changing landscape.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

Do you alter how your time management with the seasons?

Did you ever think about it?  Did you ever think that the management of your time needs to be adjusted for each season?

It should.

Things Change All The Time for Everyone

Everything changes with each season.  Everything.  Your business, personal, family, social, and your day-to-day lives change as the seasons change.

Yet people don’t adjust their schedules and wonder why overwhelm or underwhelm happens.

All businesses have ebbs and high sales activity periods and more people are away at certain times of the year than others.  It impacts everyone in the business – covering for people away on vacation, directing workflows during peak times, connecting with clients during holiday periods, etc.

Every person’s social life is affected – summer presents a whole gamut of change from family reunions, bbqs, outdoor activities, vacations, etc.   It changes how we spend leisure time.

Every person makes changes in their routines – they might walk to and from work every day rather than take the bus in the Spring, Summer and Fall.   They might go for a walk after dinner during the Summer time but when school starts, it’s homework and extracurricular activities which pour onto the time table.  Each change is a time change.

Time Management is Never Static

Though most people think that time management is static, it is not.  People’s lives are constantly in some form of flux.  When a person looks at their calendar, changes must be reflected in how time is allocated.

For instance, at work, an individual may choose to be highly disciplined in the way time is used and yet, in their personal lives during the  summer, “go with the flow” time management is adopted with very few absolutes – bed and meal times are flexible, activity planning is random for the most part and a lot of “beach” time is included.  Alternatively, in the winter, everything is scheduled at work and at home to the minute.

When people have kids, going back to school poses new challenges fitting in school, homework and activity slots.  Today, parents find they must drive or accompany their children to most activities for a variety of modern day reasons; the parents’ time becomes very compressed after hours.  A more imaginative approach needs to be designed in order to fit in parents’ needs too.

During the Christmas period, people often find themselves exhausted and get sick as a result.  Why?  Because they haven’t made the adjustments in their schedules for all the seasonal activities which take place at that time of the year from gift buying to entertaining – they try to do it all as if nothing has changed.  It has.

Those who can anticipate and plan ahead aren’t frazzled by seasonal changes.

Why should this be important to you?

If you realize and understand this concept, you can plan ahead and avoid the fatigue and stress.  Choose the activities and adjust your schedule  – take some things out and put others in – it’ll get you in the “mood” for what’s to come!

Simple.

Can you see how beneficial this can be for your health and  your ability to enjoy each changing season fully?

At first, it can seem awkward to think of altering your schedule this way, but when you reap the benefits, you’ll be happy you took the time to plan your time according to the seasonal differences.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com – sign up and get more tips delivered to you as they are published!

Lost in Facebook?  What do you do about it?

So many people get caught up in social media.  It’s fascinating!  All the people you can meet – the conversations you can have – the opportunities are boundless – you can talk about any of your interests with someone who shares that interest – what a cornucopia of options!

Then, we look at the clock . . . . . . . oh! my!!!! – 6 hours have gone by!  Where has the time gone!  And your to do list is still waiting!

Facebook can steal your life – it’s even possible to get addicted to Facebook and other social media!

After all, it’s exciting – there is always something new –

Can you live your life by Facebook?

That’s a choice for you to make.

But . . . .

If you need to live more life, then Facebook needs to be put back into the box with all the other social media.  I know you don’t want to miss anything . . . the question is what are you missing in other parts of your life because you are spending so much time on Facebook?

Are your friends neglected?

Do you spend enough time with your partner or your children or your parents or other relatives?

Are you exercising?

Are you getting enough sleep?

Are you eating regularly?

How addicted are you?

Put the Genie Back in the Bottle

Facebook and all other social media, like anything and everything in your life, needs to have a place – a place allocated in your schedule just like everything else.

Along with scheduling time for social media, it’s important to be very disciplined about the amount of time spent on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other sites you love.  Love can become an enslaver if you don’t control it.

The Solution

• Allocate time, say 1 hour a day.
• Book it in your calendar.
• Stay within those parameters.
• Put a timer on your computer to time yourself.
• And, no matter how much your hand shakes when you’re reaching for that mouse, turn it off at the allotted time!
• Put Facebook and other social media to bed on time!

You’ll love yourself for it!

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com