Did you ever wonder why you get angry?
Yesterday, I was sitting quietly – it was a pretty good day. Then someone said something. I was upset. My mood changed from okay to angry.
I observed myself and wondered why I get angry. What is it in me which turns on the “fire” when something is said or done by someone else?
The television was on at the time. They were showing some of the protesters in Egypt. They were angry. Why?
So I thought about anger while calming myself down.
WHY oh WHY?
It dawned on me that there is only reason why anyone gets angry: not getting what they want – very simple! How simple is that concept!
Books have been written about anger. Workbooks have been written on how to deal with anger. People are talking about it all the time or upset because someone else is angry at them.
Yet . . . the answer is so simple.
Why were the people in Egypt angry? They were not getting freedom, democracy which to them translates to a better life for them and their families. They were angry – they wanted a better life and weren’t getting it.
Why does a child get angry in a store? Because the parent isn’t buying the candy the child wants.
Why does a manager get angry at an employee? Because the employee is not getting done what the manager has been assigned.
Why does a spouse get angry at the other? One of the spouses is not doing what the other wants – help, hugs, support, caring, etc.
For me, understanding why often leads to finding good solutions. In this case, I found a way to defuse my anger by asking myself: “What am I not getting that I want?” followed by, “What can I do to get it?”.
What that did for me was to quit wasting time reeling, and spend my time productively figuring how I could get what I wanted without the impact an angry response would generate.
How was I going to convince the other person to give me what I wanted?
Concentrating on finding the words and the approach to communicating with them dispelled the emotion. While my mind was busy innovating, there was no room for anything else.
Give it a try. Drop me line. Let me know if it works for you too.