Posts belonging to Category Time Management Tips

How Do You Get Confidence?

How Do you Get Confidence?

Did you ever think about where confidence comes from?  There’s a lot of talk about having confidence in yourself, presenting yourself confidently, and feeling confident.  How do you become confident, feel confident, present yourself as confident?

Start Here

Watch a baby.  If you don’t have a baby, go to a mall or a day care and watch the babies especially the ones who are desperately trying to walk.  What do you see?

Do you see frustration when they try to walk and fall?  Do you see encouragement by the parents?  Do you see the smile on their faces when they successfully take a step?  Do you see them falling again but trying again and again and again to add a step or two each time?  Do you see that “look” when they have been able to add an extra step?

Why do you think they keep trying to walk despite the failures?

Confidence Builder

What happens in this process is building – building of a learned skill – walking – and with every small step, there is success.  With each success comes the desire to do more – to take additional steps.  Eventually, a baby is able to walk after trying for days and days and days.

Eventually, what do they have?  Confidence.  The confidence to walk and, once they can walk, it becomes just “something they do” without having to think about – they’ve attained a new ability.

So What?  What does this have to do with me?

Think about it.  It’s how you build confidence in anything you do and in yourself – one success at a time with  encouraging support from someone  – that’s the secret to getting, having and keeping confidence – build on your successes and get people in your circle who are continually encouraging you.

You need to do it by design.

  • acknowledge every single little success along the way and take another step; you won’t always know ahead of time what that next step is but once you’ve reached one step, it’ll be easier to know where you go next – there are no recipes for anything anywhere – you have to get there your way
  • take out of your circle of people anyone who is negative or not encouraging especially friends and family who are always “cutting you down” or telling you how stupid your ideas are.  You want people who love and encourage you no matter how ridiculous they think your idea might be – it’s your life, not theirs!  The motivation for them may be love or it may be jealousy – it’s not important where the negativity comes from.  All that’s important is that you must surround yourself with people who are interested in encouraging you towards success.  If you haven’t anyone in your circle, pay for somebody – a coach, a mentor –
  • stay focused on what you want and do something every day to attain that something you want – a promotion, a car, a marriage, wealth, health – anything you want – do something every single day no matter how minor – it’s the habit of building the confidence in yourself one step at a time reminding yourself consistently, every day, that it’s possible to achieve success whether the result is exactly how you had pictured it at the beginning – we do change our minds sometimes as we set out on various journeys.

But . . . my life is in the pits!

It’s the only way.

No matter where you are today, begin and especially if your life is in the pits right now!  Start with something in your control eg improving your health – take a walk today and decide what you’ll do tomorrow; improving finances – save a $1 today and plan what you can do tomorrow; get a new friend – join a club doing something you love like hiking, reading books, etc., introduce yourself and get to know people one at a time until you find that person you want to be friends with.

Track it.  Get a small book and track your progress and decide tomorrow’s step.

Soon . . . you’ll have confidence and you’ll wonder why it seemed so difficult to get confidence.  It works for everyone – the key is consistency – every single day building one tiny success upon the tiny success of the previous day and receiving encouragement from others to keep on keeping on because you’ve chosen the right people in your circle.

Lorraine Arams  – learn to blog and earn

How Do You Get To Be Successful?

finding successHow do you achieve success?

There’s been volumes written about it.  Advice has been dispensed for hundreds of years.  And . . . yet success seems to be elusive for the majority of people – lives of quiet desperation.  What does it take to be successful —- really?

Defining Success

We’ve never been really good at defining success because we automatically think it’s the person who achieves the CEO position in a corporation or the anchor job on a major new network or Oprah style success in the entertainment business or making tons of money to buy mansions, cars, and live the life of luxury.

Actually, many people don’t want to be in the limelight and they don’t want to live in “dripping” wealth but they are made to feel bad because that’s not their dream.

Define success for yourselfwhat does it mean to you?  Write it down – really, really understand how you define success – what does it look like in your life?  If you want create a collage of it.  Focus on your own dream.

Use What You’ve Got!

Focus solely on your strengths – that’s it – your strengths.  Put all your energy on your talents – forget the rest.  AND place those strengths well . . . be very, very protective of them!.

It’s critical to find the right place where your talents will be nurtured, utilized appreciatively and where you will be treated honestly and fairly financially, emotionally and psychologically.

That’s the tall order in the success world – you need to have the courage to cut your losses as often as it takes in order to find that place in the world where your strengths will be appreciated and rewarded!

That’s the recipe for success – that’s how you get it!

There’s a place for everyone somewhere – the trick is finding that right place and never stopping the search until you’ve “come home” – that place – you’ll just know when you do. I found it – and I blossomed.  Soon, I noticed that different kinds of people found different places which may not have been good for me but which feed them – not every place is for everyone.  Don’t believe other people – check it out for yourself to locate that ideal fit!

How do you get to be successful? It’s simple and ever so challenging – here’s a toast to your great find!

Lorraine Arams

Are you stressed? What are you going to do about it?

Are you stressed?  What are you going to do about it?

Oh, no, not another thing I have to do!!!  – that’s probably what you’re thinking – “I’m stressed and now I have to deal with it.  I just want this stress to end – that’s all!   I can’t deal with what I have now!  How can I deal with learning something new?”

Stress, unfortunately, is one area that only you can do something!  You can.  I’ll help you.  This is the first in a series of blogs on stress.  Understanding stress and yourself  really well.  These blogs will help you to cope, little by little.  If you come to my blog every day, you’ll eventually have the tools to help yourself.

Why don’t I just give you the solution right now?  Because the solution right now does not exist.  It took you a long time to build up this acute state of stress you are in and it will take a while to dismantle it.  Relief will come little by little but it will come – if you do the work, stress will be diminished.  You will feel it almost immediately.

I’m an expert on stress.   I’m not a psychologist though my undergraduate degree majored in Psychology and I’m not a counselor either.  I do coach people and stress is one  definitely something I help my clients with.  But . . . I am an expert in living, overcoming and dealing with stress since early childhood – my expertise comes from experience and education.  I have spent a lot of money and time learning to deal with stress.  I’ve been to acute stages of stress and have survived, changed and now able to deal with stressors.  It’s taken me a long time to acquire these skills.

What is stress?  Let’s define it to assure that we are both on the same page.

Stress exists all the time – every single moment of every single day there is a stress exerted on everyone.  Some of these stressors are mild and some are acute.  Most people deal with every day stresses such as getting to work on time, thinking what to have for dinner, driving in heavy traffic, etc.

But people seek relief from stress when they have feelings of overwhelm and cannot see a solution to alleviating the build up of stress in their lives.  Stress

Most of us are never taught how to deal with stress.  Some have been lucky enough to have had family environments in which   All we know about stress, generally, is fight or flight.  Our upbringing has taught us one or the other generally.  For instance, flight can mean in one family to just walk away from issues or use the “silent treatment” which means dont’ say anything, don’t assert yourself.  In the fight situation, another family has taught children to fight it out – drag them out verbal and/or physical fights.  Fighting is a normal part of the household which we all know solves nothing and makes situations worse as time goes on.

What do you do?  Learn.  Know yourself very well and learn to use your best charater traits rather than use ther conditioned responses you learned in your family environment.

Is it easy?  Is it quick?  No.  Will things change?  Yes, if you want to.  Lots of people want to reduce their stress but want someone else to do it

Leadership Today – Can You Find Any?

Why are we having such trouble finding good leadership today?

Because of us all.

The Groundwork

With time, everything changes – everything – not even a rock stays the same forever.  Our mindsets have changed.  Where once we were happy to have a job, earn enough money to support our families comfortably and have a good life filled with what humans can offer each other, we began to demand Hollywood lifestyles – designer clothes, 4 cars in the driveway, 4,000 square foot houses, and annual vacations far away in exotic locations.  Companies raced to fill the desires of excess and even stoked the fires.

Today – A Model of What is Lacking

Today, we take a day to remember the people who died on the battlefields defending our most precious gift:  freedom.

How many people will actually attend the services around the world? Very few – most can’t be bothered – they’re busy or it’s raining or it’s too far or a multitude of other lame excuses.  Think of a soldiers in the trenches in WWII – what excuse could they have?  Where could they go – rain, shine or gun fire directed at their hearts?

It’s that laziness and lack of appreciation for contribution that demonstrates how little we value our own lives. If we cannot take three hours per year to honor those whose lives were taken in conflict protecting the lifestyles we have become accustomed to, then why do we expect leadership.

Every day in every way, our own day-to-day leadership is testament to what we believe and what we value.

Where does Leadership Begin?

Next time you’re complaining about the leadership in our society, look in the mirror, look at your neighbors, go to a thrift shop, visit a shopping mall, and walk down your version of Rodeo Drive, visit an old bridge or travel an old road – all these are visual indicators of what we have come to value or not in our lives as a society.  We accept decay of our towns and cities as though it’s normal and we accept the destruction of trees and animals as necessary to progress.  What progress are we talking about here?

The lack of respect for ourselves and what exists in our surroundings is testament to our mindset.  We don’t even care for the stuff we have because we’re too busy – the real reason is that we have too much!

Leadership is a Reflection of What We Value

Next time you’re pointing the finger at your greedy and ineffective government officials, executives and others in what we call leadership positions, look a little closer to home – how are you leading your life?  What values are you teaching your children, neighbors, schools, friends and family through your words and actions?  Look at the stuff in your closet, garage, storage locker, drawers, etc. that you are not using.

If we begin to demand better of ourselves then and only then can we demand better of others.

Can You Find Leadership Today?

Yes, you can find leadership today – in yourself.

What do you believe leadership is and how is leadership reflected through actions and results?  Are you practicing the kind of leadership you expect of others? It’s not difficult to understand what you value – just look around your home, think about how you behave in your community, think of your involvement in the human race and think about how you can live in harmony with nature rather than plunder its gifts to manufacture the next bobble or iPhone.

When we control our own greed, our own abuses, behaviors towards others and show a little leadership ourselves every day, only then can we demand the same of those we elect to office and those chosen to run our enterprises.

If, we the people, begin to demand more of ourselves then, eventually, all people in all positions will be required to do the same.

Where Do You Start?

Decide to be a leader today in your own life – lead a life through your values.

What are your values?  Do you even know?

Is it nature?  When was the last time you planted a tree or took a walk in the park?  Do you even know where the parks are?  Do you pick up trash?  Do you help animals in distress? Do you  donate to animal care groups.  How are you involved in assuring nature conservancy?

Is it family?  When was the last time you called your cousin?  Do you organize family gatherings regularly?  Do you even know who your relatives are?  How will you connect?

Is it community?  Do you pick up trash on the streets, beautify your neighborhood, help neighbors, have neighborhood gatherings, resolve interpersonal issues with dignity and respect? Do you even know what’s going on in your community?

Is it politics?  Do you vote?  Are you involved in the political process?  Are you writing letters and demanding better laws, better behavior of your elected officials?  Do you protest?

Is it honesty?  Practice it – how many times do you lie in a week?  Do you call in sick when you’re not but expect to get paid for a day’s work you haven’t earned?  When a clerk makes a mistake giving you change, do you notice the error and put the money in your pocket?

Is it caring?  When was the last time you visited a home for the aged and took a resident out for a walk?  Do you volunteer for your animal shelter?  Do you help someone in a wheelchair up an incline?  Do you help your neighbors with tasks?  Do you help the homeless in your community?  If your work colleague got laid off, do you call and ask how they are?  Do you help your colleague with job leads or opportunities?

Design a set of behaviors which will demonstrate what you, in your heart, feel is  important.

Pay attention to the world you live in.  Pay attention to your life.   Put your time and money, not in designer clothes and shoes, but in living a full life – become connected to yourself and others.

Decide on your leadership and do it – every day. When you are practicing it yourself, you will recognize it in others.  When that happens, you can be a co-leader in our world no matter the position you hold in society and no matter the position others hold – you’ll be in it together – in the trenches – living values!

Lorraine Arams

Got An Idea? What Do You Do With it?

So . . . you’ve got an idea – fantastic!

Maybe or maybe not . . . it depends.

The Gift of Great Ideas

Ideas have given us the wheel, steam engines, televisions, telephones and trips to space – you’d think that having an idea is terrific!

And we do applaud the great inventors of the world, and we shower great praise on some people who have come up with some people in our “entourage” too!

The Danger of Having a Great Idea

However, be careful . . . not everyone may like it when you present a great idea – that’s right – they won’t.  As surprising as that might seem, many, many people have experienced the wrath of those who feel “threatened” by a new and better idea in their workplaces or your homes.  Danger!  Danger!  Danger!

If someone feels threatened by your fabulous creative mind, at the least, they’ll laugh at you or try to discredit you and your idea right there and then.   Remember what happened when it was suggested the earth was round instead of flat?

The more dangerous are the “subversives” – those people who seem to welcome your new idea but who plot and scheme to make your life miserable or get rid of you.

Why?  Because they somehow interpret the presentation of your great idea as a personal attack on them and see it as something which makes them look bad.  Looking bad for some people is worse than death itself!  Their insecurities simply cannot afford to applaud the gifts of others.

One of the greatest landmine locales exists in the workplace where you never really know who is for or against you. People smile, go for a drink after work and are even pleasant to all around them.  But which ones are wearing the “smiling mask” and which ones have a “genuine smile” – you can’t tell.  The phony mask people expect others to support them and compliment them but when the praise and adulation goes to someone else, they are incensed – quietly and lethally!  They will do all they can to sabotage your work and your status in the organization – slowly but surely.

What To Do?

So what do you do with your great ideas?  Keep them to yourself until you have made a thorough assessment of who is who in your workplace, how they react to others introducing ideas, and who can receive ideas well with the power to act upon them.  It’s not always obvious.  In other words, you really, really have to get to know people you work with very, very well = what lurks in their hearts and souls!

Yes, it seems odd, doesn’t it?  A lot of management books talk about how ideas are critical to business and how ideas power the enterprise.  In real life, however, it’s much different.  And you’d think that the non-profit or government would be the safest place of all to present great ideas – you’d be dead wrong!  There is no safe place.

Your Alternatives

a)  Observe and learn all you can about the “players” in your company.  Slowly, develop relationships with people whom you have identified as possible supporters with the power to move forward with ideas.  Carefully craft a plan on how you will introduce your ideas and how you will benefit from them.

a)  Research and connect with people in other companies until you find an environment which is open to ideas and the development of those ideas.  Once you find such an enterprise, secure a job.  However, you’ll have to do the same – learn the politics of the workplace.

c)  Take your ideas, write them down and develop them on your own while you are still employed.  Today, there are many outlets for doing precisely that on the internet.  You’ll benefit personally from all your “intellectual property” and offend no one because no one needs to know.  Imagine an idea of yours creating a second income for you or possibly setting you on a better financial footing!

You don’t believe me?  Take a look at the info commercials or go to your county fair in the marketplace section where people are selling incredible new products outside the mainstream.  You won’t find the big corporations there but you’ll find innovation.

At our fair this year, I saw something quite common and yet someone “packaged” it differently — a one-person operation displaying the ingenuity of a single idea.  There he was standing in his booth and his product was flying off his stand.  What was it?  A bird house – that’s right a bird house.  He had pre-cut the pieces to making 3 styles of birdhouses.  People selected the style they wanted and inside the plain plastic bag were the pieces, the instructions, the hanger and the nails.  All people needed was something to pound the nails in – and . . . voila! a birdhouse for their backyard or local park – ready to go!  They were made of cedar wood which would withstand all weather conditions and the birdhouses could even be painted.  A simple idea.  Imagine presenting that to a big corporation.  This man made a lot of money – he was at his stand for 2 weeks with masses of people passing by and buying.

What could you do with your idea?  Write an ebook?  Create a product?  Create a workshop?

Yes, there is danger in expressing ideas and there can also be vast rewards if you are protective and cautious about protecting your ideas and possibly turning them into a money-making enterprise outside the workplace.

What will you do with your idea?

Lorraine Arams

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