How Do You Know Which Values Make You Tick?

Do you care?  Does it matter to your life?

Have you ever thought about it very carefully?

Personally, I never paid much attention to my values.  People talked about values in passing.  In the many programs I took, values were mentioned but not much time was spent on them and certainly no one explained why knowing my values was so important.  The exercise was repeated so often without direction, it became meaningless.

Why?  That’s the question – Why Does Someone Need to Know and Understand Their Values?

Recently, I’ve been involved in a program and the issue of  identifying values came up again.  Yes, yet again.  The difference this time?  The facilitator gave us the reasons why understanding our values is mandatory in conducting our lives to cohesively achieve our dreams.

Helen Dewar  made it abundantly clear the reason for taking the time and the energy to define our values.  She took the time to explain “the value” of values.  How do we use our values to live our lives, to make the choices we need to make and to be true to ourselves.  Are we living in alignment with what we value?

Never before has someone explained it so clearly and so emphatically how values affect everything we say and do in our worlds.  She also explained how we are led to believe things about ourselves which are untrue all because we reacted in defense of those values.  Not everyone shares our set of values – in fact, it’s rare that any two people have exactly the same values or live out their values the same way.  Hitler had values and so did Mother Teresa – what do you think they were?

What Are Your Values?  Do You Really, Really Know What They Are?

You can find a lot of lists on the internet and you can likely come up with about 50 values you “think are a good idea for you”.  Can you really serve all those masters?  Of course not – what are your core values?  Here are a couple of places to begin?

http://www.livingmore.org/wp-content/lm-documents/ValuesList.pdf
http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/Social/Topics/Values.htm#Values_of_Society

Please note:  often values are mixed in with skills.  Values are far bigger than skills.  Think of values of overall compasses of your life – North, South, West and East, Center

Helen has us boiling it down to five.  5 – try it – you’ll be amazed how difficult this exercise is.

How do you know what your values are?

Watch yourself.  How do you spend your time?

Let’s say that most of your time is spent on family.  You have a job which pays the bills with a little left over for savings but the bulk of your time is spent with family.  You spend a lot of time with your kids, you organize family events all year round and people gather at your house every Sunday for Sunday dinner.  Your home is filled with relatives and friends all the time and you’re talking on the phone with a large collection of family and friends.  Your Facebook account is buzzing with the latest pictures, stories, meetups, etc.

If you value a success in your career,  you spend the majority of your time thinking about your career. You’re constantly thinking how to enhance your career – what can you do next to build that career?  A job is not a job to you but a very important way for you to achieve fulfillment.  You have a coach and a mentor.  You ask questions about getting ahead and you mingle with people you admire.  Jobs are not jobs to you but a stepping stone to greater success in the scope of work.  You spend a lot of time working, thinking about strategies to get ahead and continuously networking.  You’re constantly upgrading your skills and your education to give you the edge.

If you have a value of health, you watch every single bite you take, you exercise almost daily and you do and learn everything possible to stay healthy.  Health seems like an obvious value for all of us, however, that’s not the case.  Most people don’t value their healthy until they lose it.

Where do you spend your time?

What Ticks You Off?

Another way to tell, is what ticks you off at work or when your around other people in your personal life?  Do you react strongly to unfairness or bullying or pet abuse?  The stronger your reaction, the higher your value.

It takes time to decide what your values really are.  It takes a lot of digging.  The first two might not be so difficult but the others will likely cause you to ponder the realities of your being. 

Define what each value means to you.

Why Are Values So Important?

Values are the foundation of who you are, the reality of knowing yourself and the building block for everything else in your life – your career, your relationships, your decision-making, choices you make about everything in your life and the knowing what is right for you in the seemingly complex and confusing parts of your life.  If you know your values intimately, your life will be a lot easier to navigate.

What’s the Alternative?

Chaos.  Lost opportunities.  Working for the wrong organizations.  Putting your trust in people who don’t value what you value.  Hurt.  Anxiety.  Stress.  Disaster.  Dissatisfaction.  Lack of self-esteem.  Name it for yourself -

How Do You Know What I’m Saying is Right?

Because you’ve experienced the results of going against your values.  All humans have.  If your value is family, have you ever fought with someone in your family to the point that you destroy that relationship, you are no longer welcomed in the family unit?  How does it feel?  Feels quite awful because you’d like to keep the family unit whole and happy.  What happened?  You let something get out of hand and went against your family value.  Was it worth it?  What will you do about it?  If you truly value family, you’ll resolve the issue.  If not, then family is not truly a priority, not truly a value but likely someone else’s value or a value that is not all that important to you.

What Good Will It Do To Know These Values?

You’ll be able to plan accordingly.

If you are applying for a job, you’ll take the time to research the companies to which you are applying.  You’ll talk to current employees, you’ll talk to clients and you’ll explore the internet to find everything you can about how they match your values not only in value statements they make but how they honor those values.

You’ll stop yourself before you behave in ways which will contravene your values.  If you value friendships, you’ll forgive transgressions more easily or take the time to resolve any angst or you’ll drop relationships which don’t work for you without regret.  You’ll spend the time building your positive  friendships.

Are Values Critical?

You bet.  Without knowing what they are, you’re a sailboat without a rudder – you’ll wonder all over the place not understanding why your life is not working so well.  The wind and tides of life will send you adrift in a maze of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Is It Too Late?

NEVER.  It’s never, ever too late – that’s a myth perpetuated by society  – nothing is too late as long as you’re alive and functioning.

There are hundreds and hundreds of values – by the time you have selected your top 5 and defined them for yourself, you’ll truly understand the very core of your being.

Methodology

1.  Look over the lists.  Pick out the ones that resonate with you strongy.  Write them down.

2.  Run down the written list, eliminating some.  Then do it again and again and again until you arrive at 5.

3.  Go through each one and ask yourself why you believe it is one of your values.  Write it down.  Then, ask, “Is that true?”.  Give yourself an example how you exhibit that value in your life.

4.  Leave the list alone for a day or so.  Observe yourself.  Hear yourself. Does what you say and do align with your values?  If not, you’ll have to go back to the list and eliminate what you “thought” was a value and, through self-observation, you now realize is not such a strong value after all.  Give yourself no longer than a week to get to complete your list of 5 values.

5.  Write your 5 values on a card and put the card in your wallet.  Put the list up on your computer.  Keep a list by your bedside.

6.  Test the list.  Are the values you have listed truly your values?  How you behave, especially in crisis, will definitely show you whether you are kidding yourself or not.  It won’t take long.  A crisis doesn’t have to be life or death.  It can be any discomfort we experience.  Notice how differently you make choices now.  Notice the clarity with which you conduct your life and how constructively you face disagreements.

Will the values change?  Yes.  As you test the list, you’ll likely amend it.  As your life changes, your values may change.  For instance, if your top value is money, it could very well be that at a stage in your life, you’ll begin to replace that top value with another value which has become paramount such as community.  Community may have been fifth on your list but now it rises to the top and since one of your values is money, you’ll focus on making the best use of the money in your community towards achieving the most impact.

Values do work together though it may not always be obvious.

What are your values?  Have you wondered why you felt like a boat without a rudder?  Think values first.  Decide.

When will you begin to change your life?  Today would be good, right?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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Chinese New Year – yes, another beginning.  Like the Ukranian New Year, the Chinese New Year starts on another date than the usual January 1st date celebrated worldwide.   

Can You Start Again Fulfilling Your Goals?

YES!  Of course – you can restart any time.  In fact, you can change your goals and start new ones.

What is the first myth associated with goal setting?

Goal setting has often been seen as set and go – you set them on January 1st and, if by February 1st, you haven’t done anything towards achieving those goals, you give up.  That’s where the myths begin! 

Actually, goals are much more dynamic than set and go.  Goals are forever changing as your experiences change and, no matter what you may think, everyone changes continuously whether it seems so or not.

Nothing in life stands still – nothing.  Even a new wrinkle is a change.  You may not count the wrinkles on other people’s faces and say, “Hey, you have a new wrinkle today”.  No one is that observant! Nonetheless, the change has happened.  How do you think dust accumulates on your table?  One fell-swoop or a little every day?  The level of dust changes all day long every day until you wipe it off and it starts again.

The myth that goals are static and it’s now or never prevents many people from starting at all at any time.  I hope you took the time to work on the goal setting exercise you received free with your sign up to this blog.  Often, the overwhelm hits people and their minds propel them to the here and now rather than the future.

The Adventure

Achieving goals should be fun, interesting and an adventure.  When you get to your destination, it may be quite different than you originally anticipated. 

For instance, when traveling to a different country, sometimes there are floods, road detours, plane delays, alterations in travel plans, meet ups with old friends, and a host of events which may alter the course of your vacation.  Was it a bad vacation or a bad idea to go to that destination?  Of course not as long as you enjoyed the journey and appreciate the outcome.  Let’s say it was a flood.  What a story – how did you cope? How did you get back home?  Did you learn something about yourself?

The Myth of Achievement

The myth has existed forever – I didn’t achieve what I set out to achieve so I’m a failure.  Actually, you may be a greater success than you think but as long as you’re focused on defining your life as  “not attaining set goals”, then, yes, you will think you failed. 

The other myth is that you must set goals in every part of your life.  You don’t.  Sometimes there is only time to set one goal and go after it. 

Goals are not your life!  Goals are dreams set in action form. 

I have one goal this year.  Does that mean I’ve let go of every other goal I’ve achieved.  Of course not – each one is a  part of my life’s fabric now. 

I had a goal of health at one time because of the costs on my health caused by acute stress.  Did I give that up?  No.  Every day, being healthy is a part of my life.  I exercise, eat well, learn about new developments in exercise and supplements and a host of other topics.  Again, if you do the exercise in the free goal setting offering on this blog, you’ll know why.

Go ahead – reset the goals if that ‘s what you want to do and start now.  Take one step – just one this week.  Another step next week or take a whole bunch of steps today – achieving your goals depend a lot on how you operate best.  Some people like the tortoise way and some like to do things the hare’s way – whatever way, keep moving on.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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2. Do You Really Have to Write Down Your Goals?
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Did you ever wonder how self-esteem impacts your ability to manage your time?

The impact on your time can be quite enormous.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how you regard yourself – your opinion of yourself – how you think of yourself.  Self-esteem comes in varying degrees.

For instance, if you have trouble looking in the mirror at yourself because all you see are flaws, your self-esteem is rather low.  If you go into a tirade about how stupid you are every time you make a mistake, that’s low self-esteem. The mind is occupied with negativity about the self.   

The result of such a poor opinion of oneself carries with it an important deep feeling: undeserving.   Undeserving translates into not making decisions about what YOU want and going after it.  Often, you go after things that other people want or simply block yourself from moving forward.  Lots of time and energy is wasted on the negative or in the wrong direction:

• “My nose is way too big”
• “I hate being me”
• “Why can’t I be more like my friend”
• “Why am I so stupid?”
• “If I become a doctor, my mom and dad will be proud of me.  I’d rather be a carpenter but they would be so disappointed with that choice.”

These and many other excuses cover up the real issue:  you don’t deserve what you want

What is time management?

Time management is, in essence, managing your life to get what you want.  What is your life?  Time.  If you run out of time, you’re dead.

How do self-esteem and time management connect?

If you think you deserve what you want, you use your time to find ways and means to get it or a reasonable facsimile.  Just that thought alone will set you on a positive path.  After all, the feeling of “deserving” comes from thinking well of yourself.  Yes, it is a tight-knit circle!

If you think you don’t deserve to get what you want, you fill your mind and your time focusing on your shortcomings either real or imaginary.  Either way, it’s a destructive way to live your life.

Thinking poorly about yourself impacts how you walk, talk, think, behave, look and dress and . . . . the things you do.  People with low self-esteem often look meek or frightened, defer eye contact at all costs, rarely talk to strangers spontaneously.  The colors they wear are drab – in other words, they do everything in their power to assure that no one  pays attention to them.  It doesn’t depend either whether they are beautiful on the inside or the outside – the message they generate to the outside world is “I don’t feel very good about me.”  The outside world responds:  “If you don’t feel good about yourself, why should I?”  So they are often ignored or put upon or “unseen”.

Their appearance suggests to others they don’t want more so even people who think highly of them avoid promoting them for any reason – for job advancement, for romance, for friendships, etc

The irony here is that people with low self-esteem may actually be very talented or beautiful physically or both or may get top marks in school or work very hard in their jobs.  They have incredible attributes which is covered up because of the way they think of themselves.

If you have a good opinion of yourself, everything about you is different – you walk with confidence, you talk to whomever you need to in order to find the pieces you need to get what you want, your dress is sharp and focused, your eye contact tells others you are on a mission and interested in them and what they have to say.  You get noticed and many people will help you – not everyone – but many. 

When we don’t go after what we want because we don’t think we deserve it, we’re wasting our lives, our valuable gifts and deny the world the value these gifts provide to society as a whole and rewards that accompany their development.

If your time is not being used to get what you want, ask yourself why.  There is absolutely nothing in your way except you.  Some of the worst tyrants in the world and some of the most physcially ugly people in the world have achieved great things in their lives only because they thought well of themselves and used their time to get what they wanted.  When you’re considering those extremes of personality and looks, you know there aren’t any excuses except the fantasy you’ve created in your mind about yourself.

How will you be spending your time from this point on?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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We all know it’s coming.

The crunch.

It will happen.

Why don’t we prepare?  Wishful thinking perhaps???

The holidays are over – Christmas brought around a wonderfully crazy time and the welcoming of the New Year allowed us to dream of possibilities.

It’s a slow recovery but the lull is almost over.  Soon, high gear will be the every day norm as projects at work intensify, new ones come along and the associated challenges pile up.

Prepare Now to Avoid Huge Stress

Take a piece of paper.  On the left hand side, down the side of the page, write in hours from 12 midnight to 11 pm – every half hour eg 12, 12:30 am, 1 am, etc.  Across the top, write the days of the week – all 7 days – Mon, Tues, Wed, etc.

For each day, write in the activities for each hour.  For instance, say you sleep from 10 pm to 6 am, so block that time off and write in what you do – Sleep.  And so on for every other activity.  Say, at 6 am, you prepare your body for work – grooming, dressing, eating – write down beside 6 am, these activities and block off the time it takes.  If it’s an hour, then you have blocked 6 to 7 am for work preparation.  But . . . wait . . . you don’t go to work on Saturday and Sunday —- likely your schedule will change.  Pay attention to what you are writing down.

Keep filling in this table until you have included everything you know you do regularly for each day.

You can break this down further for some of the big blocks of time like work time.  List the times you email, return calls, work on projects, etc.  Include as many regular activities as you can.

Now, the sobering part.  You’ll see one of two things:

1.  You have very little spare time to do anything more than you are doing or

2.  You have a lot of spare time to fill

Why Should You Do This Exercise?

To prevent from over booking yourself and creating a lot of stress in your life.

There will always be crunch times in life brought on by the unexpected.

But you can control what you say yes to.

For instance, are you forever volunteering at work only to find that you must stay late to finish your regular work?  Do you follow the crowd after work and never indulge in the activities you would really like to engage in?  If you have a lot time to spare, it’s not an issue.  But if you find you have little time to spare, then this exercise is for you.  You’ll see visually how little time you have to spare and when you do say yes to something new, you’ll be doing so consciously inserting the activity sanely.  Saying no is a great time and stress saver!

Try it.  You might like what you find!

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

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New Year – New You – How?

It can be simple or it can be complicated.

Which would you like it to be?

Yes, it is up to you.

Nothing in this world is complicated – nothing – except those things which people make complicated. 

Man-Made Complications can be:

• an excuse – “My life is so complicated, no one can figure it out.”
• a fantasy – “I’m so special, there are no answers for me”
• appearance of false self-importance – “I’m so superior intellectually no one else can understand what I know”
• keep people out or away – “If you don’t understand, then you can’t be a part of my world.”
• get rich – “I know something you don’t.  If you want to know, you’ll have to pay me a lot of money to fix you”

How do I know?  Experience. 

Experience has taught me that life is actually quite simple. Human thought makes it complicated.

Humans see themselves as the most intelligent of beasts, however, that notion can also separate us and create an atmosphere in which it is possible for some but not all.

Anything is possible for everyone.  It depends on how we’ve been programmed.  And programmed we’ve all been by our parents, relatives, friends, academia, society, books, tv, internet, and a host of other sources impacting your life.

The great thing about people is that they can re-program themselves if they give up notions.  Step-by-step, as a process, it can be done successfully.

If you are a subscriber, you have found that the free goal setting you received when you signed up to this blog has allowed you to achieve some of your goals.  Why?  What is a goal? 

A goal is simply an attempt to change your life.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.  Why?  Because you find that you really didn’t want what you thought you wanted and couldn’t stick with the program.  Lack of “stickability” tells you the goal you set out to accomplish was not something you really, really want.

New you – what is that?  It’s simply a goal.  Do you want it?

If you do, then use the goal accomplishing system you’ve received and begin – slowly, progressively, daily.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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What Christmas Gift Fits All?

Can you think of what that might be?  Some will automatically think chocolate, another will think love and yet another will think pen.

Any of these answers, of course, may fit but what if that someone doesn’t like chocolate like one of my friends or the expression of your love to your boss might seem inappropriate or someone prefers fine nib to the medium you gave them?

Yet, there is something that everyone appreciates.  It comes in two parts.

One Christmas with a group of friends, we agreed not to buy each other gifts but to give each other something much more important – something that has lasted years.  I still have mine from that first year.  It meant a lot and has sustained me through some very difficult times when I doubted my abilities and even myself.

And this year, I would add another component.  Often, it is something left unspoken amongst friends and family and others we interact with frequently or not often enough.

You can include these in a Christmas card or along with a physical gift or simply give it to them on a simple piece of paper.

1.  List three things that you admire about that person.  It could be how kind they are to animals or the way they help family, friends and neighbors in need or how their smile lights up everyone’s life every time they interact.  Simple.  One or two sentences.

2.  Express your gratitude.  Just one thing.  Perhaps tell your husband how much you appreciate how he is a sounding board for issues at work throughout the year,  or relate to your mother and father how their advice saved you a lot of time and energy or how much you appreciate your friend’s ability to make you laugh. 

This gift can be given to EVERYONE on your list – everyone - your great mechanic who takes the special step of vacuuming your car, your boss who treats everyone fairly, your cleaning person who does such a great job week after week, your brother who helped you with renovations, your sister who guided you through a career choices – the list is endless – nieces, nephews, grandparents, friends, acquaintances, clients – there isn’t a person alive who doesn’t like to receive appreciation for their gifts and talents.  And, everyone loves to receive an expression of gratitude for something they gave without expectation of anything in return.

You may be very surprised at the reactions.  Some will cry.  Others will be shy.  And yet others will be pensive.  It’s not often we share our good feelings about others’ talents and gifts.  Everyone loves to be noticed.  Everyone loves to receive a positive expression about the marvelous parts of them.  Sometimes we appreciate what people do for us but we don’t verbalize it in writing. 

Christmas is a time of giving. 

Open your heart and fill others’ hearts with joy – real joy of connection – human to human.  Make it about them.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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Possibilities

 Another 24 Hours?

More time – “I need more time” comes out of people’s mouths every single day.  Would adding another 24 hours a day to your life make a significant difference to your life?  Did you ever think about that question?

In what other areas of your life did you have a wish for more?  “If I had more . . . .”  – money, more “stuff”, more leisure, more clothes, more jewelry, more education, more friends, more love  . . . “I would be . . . . ” happier, better off, feeling good, earning more, be smarter, etc.

How many of you have ever thought that way?  Likely, everyone.

For most of us, we do get “more” only to find that we haven’t found what we thought we would realize from having “more”.  Why do you think that is?

The Trap of “More”

When we want more, it’s because there is something inside us that is unsatisfied.  Instead of “fixing” that dissatisfaction internally, we look externally for something to fill the void.  Externals don’t.  Externals don’t fix a thing and, in fact, will likely only increase the dissatisfaction inside.

The Key

We have all we need. 

The key is understanding that we don’t need “more” of anything.  Instead, we should be maximizing what we have – our talents, our relationships with family and friends, our experiences and our connection to our world.  That’s what will pay the dividends.  Being all we can be.

If you don’t believe it, drive or walk in wealthy neighborhood alleys on garbage days.  You’ll see the carnage of “having more” – a physical representation.  The wealthy have a lot of money, buy many items, and what we find in the alleys on garbage day is waste – expensive bikes which have never been used, clothes with price tags still on them, collectibles, usable electronics . . . . has “more” solved anything?  Buying, buying, buying for the sake of buying the latest and greatest and yet what is purchased is obviously not appreciated and not used.  Ever wonder what they are looking for? 

This waste is symbolic of what we all do in some way in our lives. 

We are all rich, we just don’t know it.  We squander what we have and wish for something else.

Adding another 24 hours in anyone’s day wouldn’t make a difference at all to our lives because we would live it precisely the way we are living our current 24 hours. 

The Gift We All Have

Time management is not about how many hours we have, it’s how we use those hours to maximize the possibilities of our lives.  We come into this world complete. 

We each are very special with our very own particular “blueprint” by which we can define for ourselves.  We have the freedom of will to utilize our special attributes our way.

Won’t you give yourself some time today to think about what an incredible being you are.  Won’t you take the time this week to seriously look at your talents and abilities and put them to use for the life you want?  You’re amazing – believe it – live it – be it – whatever “it” is for you in particular!  Uniqueness – we all have it – for a reason.  What will you do with yours?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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September 30th – the Holiday Season has arrived.

• October presents Thanksgiving
• October also offers Hallowe’en
• November is Remembrance Day
• December presents us with Christmas and all the socializing and activities accompanies that time of the year – for some, a vacation is included and, of course, let’s remember Christmas Eve and Boxing Day – each a splendid celebration!
• January opens a new year for us but New Year’s Eve hits a high note not long after Christmas

Are you ready?

Most people might be miffed by that question and yet now, the end of  September is the time to look ahead and plan now because once Thanksgiving hits, it’s one event after another all the while keeping up with everything you do now.  If you have relatives in the US, then you need to account for one more holiday, the November Thanksgiving.

Also, for most people, October and November are incredibly busy times in their workplace.  There is an intensity about those months. 

Now is the Time

Good time management means looking ahead to what seems a long way away.  You’ll be happy you took the time now to discuss and plan events. 

For instance, will you be giving a party for Hallowe’en?  Who will be on the guest list?  Decorations?   Food?  Drinks?  Games?  Costumes? If not now, when – it’s 31 days away – not long.  You know how time flies!

At the same time, plan the other events – what will you be doing for Thanksgiving?  That’s just 2 weeks away – will you be going out for dinner, having people over, and what does that entail?

Remembrance Day – will you attend services?  If so, will you take people with you?  Who?  Where will you meet?  What will you do afterwards?  Or will you go away?

Christmas activities – mid-November onwards – gifts? parties? shopping? baking? Christmas Eve?  Christmas Day? Boxing Day?  What will you need for the activities you plan? 

The Best Planning

Discuss and decide what you will do on each of those events.  Decide what you’ll need to do and have  for each of them – make lists — brainstorm with others. 

Then work backwards from the date of the event, adding tasks to your schedule leading to the event.  The scheduling at this time will assure  that you have all you need on the day.  September 30th week-end is the perfect week-end to plan and schedule before the winter sports begin, classes, meetings, fundraisers and increased workloads. 

You’ll be glad you did.  You’ll reduce your stress around the holidays, you’ll enjoy them more and everyone else will too!

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

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When should you speak up?

People would say:

• never – “I’ll lose my job”, “I’ll make enemies”, “I won’t be respected for a difference of opinion”, “It’s not my problem. I don’t want to get involved”, “I don’t like it but I need to live with it”, “I’m the peacemaker”, “I don’t want to cause trouble”, “People won’t like me”

• sometimes – “If it’ll get me what I want”, “When it’s serious enough”, “When I’m asked for my opinion”
• depends – “Depends on whether or not I have the time”, “Depends on how it will affect me”, “Depends on what other people think first”

And so people show up to work every day, put their heads down and say nothing unless spoken to.  In their personal lives, they repeat the same habit – speaking up very little to “keep the peace”.

The Inevitable

One day, as it will inevitably happen, there will be an explosion.

Everyone, at one time or another,  shows up at work and in their personal lives tired, irritable, and generally not well.  It’s all too much.  They blow.  They say something to someone and it’s not good.  All that pent up energy simply discharges.

Like a volcano, they have “blown their top”.  Pressure has built up so much, sometimes over many years, that the wrong thing is said to the wrong person with the wrong reaction!

What’s the Alternative?

Practice.

Speaking up is not a one time event.  It’s a skill developed over time and the learning never stops.

When a person practices daily to speak up in work and social situations, that person increases their ability to communicate effectively.

When a person explodes, no one hears them.  Like a volcano, the eruption is so intense that people are taken aback by the intensity and the focus of others becomes to calm the person down instead of listening to what is being said.

Where Do You Start?

Start by deciding every day will be practice day.  When a difference of opinion arises, speak up even in benign situations such as where to have lunch.  Notice the words and tone of voice used and after the exchange, think about how the message could have been conveyed better or pat yourself on the back for a successful exchange.

Practice.  Practice.  Practice.

With practice, an eruption is unlikely to happen unless planned for a purpose.  Sometimes eruptions can be effective but great care is required in the execution.

If a person is always practicing expressing themselves, others will get used to it and a strong opinion won’t be such a shock.  Self-control will be easier and the message is likely to be heard even if the outcome is disagreement.

Expect Disagreement.

We are all so different.  What seems to be perfectly logical and make sense to one person, doesn’t to another.  Everyone expressing themselves in a respectful way often results in surprising outcomes where collaboration or co-operation may occur or a “truce” of sorts.  If not, at least everyone knows where everyone else stands on an issue which, in itself,  is a form of peace.  Dialogue can continue.

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

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1. A LITTLE EVERY DAY – RELIEF – MAKE IT A HABIT!
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Is Time Management Static? 

It would seem so when people talk about time management.  “I adopted this, it works well” 

However, time management needs to be fluid.  No person is a robot.  Everyone’s life changes constantly even when we think it remains the same. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, static of about anyone’s life.  What works well at one point in life may not be so effective under different circumstances.

Ebbs and Tides – the colors of life

The ebbs and tides of life require adjustments and that’s why so many people get into trouble with managing their time. 

24 hours – that’s all we have – 24 hours – no more, no less, no matter what circumstances have appeared in your life.  The big mistake people make is simply not adjusting for life’s ever changing tides, not even the expected ones.

For instance, a couple expecting a baby reel with excitement.  They are told by friends and family that their lives will change.   Armed with this valuable knowledge, do most couples think ahead?  Most of often not.  Baby comes and exhaustion sets in.

What if these soon-to-be new parents sat down ahead of baby’s arrival and mapped out their time commitments – what will change, what will each person  give up and how will everyone’s needs be accommodated?  Remember, baby is an “add in” – something has to be taken out to make space.  Baby doesn’t much care.  Baby needs what baby needs when it needs it and, if anyone around them is stressed and anxious, so will baby.  Baby will pick up on the “vibes” of the parents and react accordingly.  Everyone’s stress rises even more!

Stress

I sincerely believe that if people did more of this kind of give and take planning with their schedules before major events  in their lives, people would reduce their stress levels.  

Every time something new enters our lives, we must give up something else -  two separate objects cannot occupy the same space.  For instance, if you have a couch in your living room, your chairs cannot occupy the same space as your couch.  Chairs will take up a certain amount of square footage and so will your couch.

As fluid as our lives are, time management must work in tandem with this ever changing landscape.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

Related posts:

1. Save Time By Taking Time
2. EXPECTATIONS – SET YOU UP!
3. How do you Find the Best Time Management System Suited to You