“Just Relax Now” – Falling on Deaf Ears!

Falling on Deaf Ears!

If your approach to someone else or to yourself is to say:  “Just Relax Now”, you’ll find the message falling on deaf ears!  Why?

Because that advice is competing with the adrenaline rush of stress! And a host of other factors.  In my opinion, the reason anyone has difficulty doing what is good for themselves is because they don’t want to face what they need to face in their lives – and being “high” on something is the way to do it.  As long as a person keeps their world in a “stressful condition”, they’re “too busy” to deal with whatever it is they could be resolving.    There are no rehab centres for stressed out people unless they end up in the hospital in cardiac arrest or they develop diabetes or they have a stroke –

Many good meaning friends and family members want to help and they think by saying, “just relax”, that somehow the message is going to get through – it won’t.  Try it on someone you know is super stressed – you’ll get ignored or a negative response – it won’t be pretty!  Hey, after all, the stressed out person has so much to do!!!  Frankly, stressed people don’t want answers, they want more stress – the drug of choice!  I know – I know – that doesn’t sound logical.

 Why isn’t everyone in that condition – everyone has to live human lives too?  Different strokes for different folks and, though, someone may not exhibit “manic” forms of stressed out behavior, it doesn’t mean they are not stressed – some people “appear” very calm on the surface!  And, let’s face it – we have been taught that if we lived a life that looks stressed, we must be important!  There comes with “stress” an air of “special”- “if I’m this busy and stressed out, I must be important”!  How do they get that message?  From society – from media – from moves or from role models who exhibited this behavior.  Think about it – when you see someone stressed, don’t you see them as important?  Oh, heck, they must be because they have so much to do! 

Imagine competing against all of that with the words, “Just Relax”.  You know the message will definitely fall on deaf ears!  And anger might just get generated too – “how dare anyone say that to me!” or “if you were successful, you’d be stressed too!”.

And, if you are ready to say to yourself  “just relax”, it won’t make it any easier coming from you!  Same reasons.  So how does a person “conquer” stress? 

In small increments – the most difficult part of this process will be “seeing” yourself, teaching yourself to love yourself and accepting that you are no more or less defective than any other person in this world, that you aren’t special or important because you are experiencing acute stress and that there is absolutely no good reason whatsoever to put anyone or anything else first – beliefs are difficult to change even if the evidence is obvious!  After all, a person has been taught and lived with the messages – internally and externally – for a very long time! 

Should you bother?  Should you even try?  That’s up to you – are you ready to live with the consequences? 

“Just Relax Now” message is not the answer – it won’t happen just like that – there are no miracles when it comes to stress.  De-stressing needs re-training.

We’ll talk about some of those re-training points tomorrow.

Lorraine Arams
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