WIZE TIME MANAGEMENT

How Do You Know Which Values Make You Tick?

Do you care?  Does it matter to your life?

Have you ever thought about it very carefully?

Personally, I never paid much attention to my values.  People talked about values in passing.  In the many programs I took, values were mentioned but not much time was spent on them and certainly no one explained why knowing my values was so important.  The exercise was repeated so often without direction, it became meaningless.

Why?  That’s the question – Why Does Someone Need to Know and Understand Their Values?

Recently, I’ve been involved in a program and the issue of  identifying values came up again.  Yes, yet again.  The difference this time?  The facilitator gave us the reasons why understanding our values is mandatory in conducting our lives to cohesively achieve our dreams.

Helen Dewar  made it abundantly clear the reason for taking the time and the energy to define our values.  She took the time to explain “the value” of values.  How do we use our values to live our lives, to make the choices we need to make and to be true to ourselves.  Are we living in alignment with what we value?

Never before has someone explained it so clearly and so emphatically how values affect everything we say and do in our worlds.  She also explained how we are led to believe things about ourselves which are untrue all because we reacted in defense of those values.  Not everyone shares our set of values – in fact, it’s rare that any two people have exactly the same values or live out their values the same way.  Hitler had values and so did Mother Teresa – what do you think they were?

What Are Your Values?  Do You Really, Really Know What They Are?

You can find a lot of lists on the internet and you can likely come up with about 50 values you “think are a good idea for you”.  Can you really serve all those masters?  Of course not – what are your core values?  Here are a couple of places to begin?

http://www.livingmore.org/wp-content/lm-documents/ValuesList.pdf
http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/Social/Topics/Values.htm#Values_of_Society

Please note:  often values are mixed in with skills.  Values are far bigger than skills.  Think of values of overall compasses of your life – North, South, West and East, Center

Helen has us boiling it down to five.  5 – try it – you’ll be amazed how difficult this exercise is.

How do you know what your values are?

Watch yourself.  How do you spend your time?

Let’s say that most of your time is spent on family.  You have a job which pays the bills with a little left over for savings but the bulk of your time is spent with family.  You spend a lot of time with your kids, you organize family events all year round and people gather at your house every Sunday for Sunday dinner.  Your home is filled with relatives and friends all the time and you’re talking on the phone with a large collection of family and friends.  Your Facebook account is buzzing with the latest pictures, stories, meetups, etc.

If you value a success in your career,  you spend the majority of your time thinking about your career. You’re constantly thinking how to enhance your career – what can you do next to build that career?  A job is not a job to you but a very important way for you to achieve fulfillment.  You have a coach and a mentor.  You ask questions about getting ahead and you mingle with people you admire.  Jobs are not jobs to you but a stepping stone to greater success in the scope of work.  You spend a lot of time working, thinking about strategies to get ahead and continuously networking.  You’re constantly upgrading your skills and your education to give you the edge.

If you have a value of health, you watch every single bite you take, you exercise almost daily and you do and learn everything possible to stay healthy.  Health seems like an obvious value for all of us, however, that’s not the case.  Most people don’t value their healthy until they lose it.

Where do you spend your time?

What Ticks You Off?

Another way to tell, is what ticks you off at work or when your around other people in your personal life?  Do you react strongly to unfairness or bullying or pet abuse?  The stronger your reaction, the higher your value.

It takes time to decide what your values really are.  It takes a lot of digging.  The first two might not be so difficult but the others will likely cause you to ponder the realities of your being. 

Define what each value means to you.

Why Are Values So Important?

Values are the foundation of who you are, the reality of knowing yourself and the building block for everything else in your life – your career, your relationships, your decision-making, choices you make about everything in your life and the knowing what is right for you in the seemingly complex and confusing parts of your life.  If you know your values intimately, your life will be a lot easier to navigate.

What’s the Alternative?

Chaos.  Lost opportunities.  Working for the wrong organizations.  Putting your trust in people who don’t value what you value.  Hurt.  Anxiety.  Stress.  Disaster.  Dissatisfaction.  Lack of self-esteem.  Name it for yourself -

How Do You Know What I’m Saying is Right?

Because you’ve experienced the results of going against your values.  All humans have.  If your value is family, have you ever fought with someone in your family to the point that you destroy that relationship, you are no longer welcomed in the family unit?  How does it feel?  Feels quite awful because you’d like to keep the family unit whole and happy.  What happened?  You let something get out of hand and went against your family value.  Was it worth it?  What will you do about it?  If you truly value family, you’ll resolve the issue.  If not, then family is not truly a priority, not truly a value but likely someone else’s value or a value that is not all that important to you.

What Good Will It Do To Know These Values?

You’ll be able to plan accordingly.

If you are applying for a job, you’ll take the time to research the companies to which you are applying.  You’ll talk to current employees, you’ll talk to clients and you’ll explore the internet to find everything you can about how they match your values not only in value statements they make but how they honor those values.

You’ll stop yourself before you behave in ways which will contravene your values.  If you value friendships, you’ll forgive transgressions more easily or take the time to resolve any angst or you’ll drop relationships which don’t work for you without regret.  You’ll spend the time building your positive  friendships.

Are Values Critical?

You bet.  Without knowing what they are, you’re a sailboat without a rudder – you’ll wonder all over the place not understanding why your life is not working so well.  The wind and tides of life will send you adrift in a maze of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Is It Too Late?

NEVER.  It’s never, ever too late – that’s a myth perpetuated by society  – nothing is too late as long as you’re alive and functioning.

There are hundreds and hundreds of values – by the time you have selected your top 5 and defined them for yourself, you’ll truly understand the very core of your being.

Methodology

1.  Look over the lists.  Pick out the ones that resonate with you strongy.  Write them down.

2.  Run down the written list, eliminating some.  Then do it again and again and again until you arrive at 5.

3.  Go through each one and ask yourself why you believe it is one of your values.  Write it down.  Then, ask, “Is that true?”.  Give yourself an example how you exhibit that value in your life.

4.  Leave the list alone for a day or so.  Observe yourself.  Hear yourself. Does what you say and do align with your values?  If not, you’ll have to go back to the list and eliminate what you “thought” was a value and, through self-observation, you now realize is not such a strong value after all.  Give yourself no longer than a week to get to complete your list of 5 values.

5.  Write your 5 values on a card and put the card in your wallet.  Put the list up on your computer.  Keep a list by your bedside.

6.  Test the list.  Are the values you have listed truly your values?  How you behave, especially in crisis, will definitely show you whether you are kidding yourself or not.  It won’t take long.  A crisis doesn’t have to be life or death.  It can be any discomfort we experience.  Notice how differently you make choices now.  Notice the clarity with which you conduct your life and how constructively you face disagreements.

Will the values change?  Yes.  As you test the list, you’ll likely amend it.  As your life changes, your values may change.  For instance, if your top value is money, it could very well be that at a stage in your life, you’ll begin to replace that top value with another value which has become paramount such as community.  Community may have been fifth on your list but now it rises to the top and since one of your values is money, you’ll focus on making the best use of the money in your community towards achieving the most impact.

Values do work together though it may not always be obvious.

What are your values?  Have you wondered why you felt like a boat without a rudder?  Think values first.  Decide.

When will you begin to change your life?  Today would be good, right?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

You sit looking at the pile.  Stare into space.  Your body hurts from the stress.  Your mind goes from frantic to dead quiet. 

You know you have to get the report done for tomorrow and you haven’t even started.  Worse yet, you don’t want to start.  You don’t want to do anything except sit and stare blankly at the wall. 

And that’s burn out – no energy or willingness to go on with anything knowing full well what the consequences will be – somehow you don’t care and yet you are very worried.  Your whole life has become an incessant world of push and pull – you want to but you don’t; you know what to do but you don’t have the energy; you know the consequences and you don’t care; you don’t care but you worry. 

The drag is the worst part – you seem to be dragging yourself around everywhere you go in everything you do in everything you say – it’s all heavy, really heavy like you’re pulling a monster truck every inch of the way!

Physically you’ll feel exhausted and you often get tension headaches or severe lower back pain for no apparent reason – you never had them before but now they become a regular occurrence.  Sometimes, the lower back pain is so intense, you can’t even walk!

You have small accidents quite regularly – stubbing your toe, dropping things, and absent-minded run ins with chairs, walls, etc.

You check your work over and over again – yet there are still small mistakes like spelling or reversed numbers.  You’re horrified by the small mistakes instead of taking them as they are – small!

 Spiritually you feel empty, totally disconnected from everyone and everything.  You just wish everyone would leave you alone.  People just seem to add to the feeling of being burdoned and you don’t reach out for help either.  Everything is meaningless to you – everyone another stress.

Emotionally you sense you don’t have time to get anything accomplished.  You really want to distance yourself from everyone so you can get something done.  You don’t visit with friends any more.  You stop going to the gym.  You stay at work longer and longer and longer and less and less done.  Soon you feel like a martyr and soon a loser because you see everyone around you going home on time and yet there you sit.  You sit trying to accomplish the smallest tasks that seems to take forever.

Your calendar is filled with missed deadlines and you wonder why – you got everything done before, why not now?  Appealing to you are the escape mechanisms like alcohol, spending, drugs or even sex.  However, at some point in the burn out process, you couldn’t be bothered with these things either.  In fact, you know you have to get your act together but you don’t want to.

Every happy moment experienced by others is one that makes you feel even worse.  If someone gets engaged or has a baby or a birthday or gets married, it’s hard for you to be happy – you just can’t be happy no matter what.  Before, you would have joined in the congratulatory offerings and been genuinely pleased for the person.

You watch the clock too.  You were likely a person who was never a clock watcher but now you are – you can’t wait until 5 o’clock comes around so everyone leaves and you’re alone.

Alone becomes more and more appealing because you somehow think you’ll get something done.  But you’ll find that an hour has passed and nothing has been accomplished – you go into a blank world in your mind – you can’t move.

Clutter – one sure sign of burn out is clutter.  The clutter increases or your appearance deteriorates because of your perception that you don’t have enough time to get everything done.  You’re likely not sleeping much either so that doesn’t help – you look like it!

Work - you look at your work and it’s odd.  Some of the things you say or how you phrase things is so out to lunch that you can’t even recognize it as work you have produced sometimes.  You’ll have moments of brilliance mixed totally off the wall content.  Sometimes you’ll say things just don’t make any sense and you know it.  Everyone around you knows there is something wrong but most of them can’t identify it – you’re acting strange and that’s all they know.

You don’t have breaks – you don’t eat lunch unless someone drags you out and brings you something to eat -

Depression - is very close at hand – a deep, deep depression – you can feel that too.  The disconnect with everyone and everything and the perception there is not time for anything or anyone is a sign it has crept in.  The lack of caring and being hyper at the same time is a clue.

So what do you do about it? 

The first step is to go to your doctor and get some help.  Your doctor will likely tell you the road back to your normal self will be slow but there is no doubt you’ll recover.  Your doctor will likely give you a letter recommending a medical leave from work.  Take it.  Don’t even hesitate.  Take it.  It’s the best beginning to recovery you can get and get some counseling from a professional who specializes in recovery from burnout.  Even if you can’t get stress leave, take vacation time or a leave of absence.  You need to get away from work for a little while.

Exercise - start an exercise program immediately and exercise as much as you can every single day – weights, cardio, yoga - and go outside as much as you can every single day – surround yourself with nature -

Eat good food – preferably organic – your body has taken quite a beating through this process and it needs nourishment.  Take vitamins too – every day.  It’s critical that you get some good vitamins and take them.

Journal – talk to yourself in a journal about what you feel, don’t feel, etc.  Anything.  Every day sometimes several times a day.  It’s important to get it out.

Read good books both fictional and non-fictional.  Non-fictional – read about learning to handle stress better and start adopting some techniques which suit you.  Fictional will bring your mind into a world of fantasy where you can get lost for a little while.

Massages – start getting some massages.  They help release the tension and the toxins that build up in your body.  It doesn’t have to be expensive – you can go to a nearby school where they teach massage.  In some cases, your health insurance will pay for it.

Talk to your family.  Let them know what’s happening and what you need from them.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of letting them know you’d love their support but you’ll likely be spending a lot of time by yourself in the next while.

Understand what stresses you the most and what you can do to help you control your stress.  That’s very important so you never get to this point again.

Time – learn to schedule appropriately.  At first, don’t put time limits on activities.  For instance, say you want to exercise every day at 10 am – don’t put a limit on it – just leave it wide open so you have no pressure to finish.  Soon, you’ll get a rhythm going and you’ll be able to access how long you like to exercise for. 

Get into the habit of slowly introducing regular times to do things such as having lunch – you probably skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner in your most acute burn out stage.  So set times and make the experience pleasant each time – food you like – not too much – create a ritual such as placing your knife, fork and napkin on a placemat before starting to prepare your meal and sit with music to have your meals.  Keep regular hours to eat each meal.  Make it a very pleasant event which you cherish. 

Organize your space a little at a time.  For 15 minutes, 1/2 hour or an hour a day, declutter your world.  It’s very therapeutic.

And only you can know what else you’ll have to do – every life is different – every person is different – but the key is to give yourself the time to heal.  That’s your first most important step whether it takes a week, three weeks or several months – you need the time – don’t kid yourself either – you know you’ve burned out – you know it deeply.  But there is a tendency to deny it and keep on no matter what – it’s the worst thing to do.  Take time to get better and get some better time and life management skills so you never experience burn out again.  Yes, I’m talking from experience – been there, done that – and yes, I got over it successfully.  If you want some coaching, I’m available and my fees are low because I simply don’t want to add more stress to your life with huge fees that you cannot afford at this point.  Contact me through my blog here:  www.wizetime.com.  You’ll see I have a contact form.

Now – do one thing – only one thing – go get better!