How Do You Know Which Values Make You Tick?

Do you care?  Does it matter to your life?

Have you ever thought about it very carefully?

Personally, I never paid much attention to my values.  People talked about values in passing.  In the many programs I took, values were mentioned but not much time was spent on them and certainly no one explained why knowing my values was so important.  The exercise was repeated so often without direction, it became meaningless.

Why?  That’s the question – Why Does Someone Need to Know and Understand Their Values?

Recently, I’ve been involved in a program and the issue of  identifying values came up again.  Yes, yet again.  The difference this time?  The facilitator gave us the reasons why understanding our values is mandatory in conducting our lives to cohesively achieve our dreams.

Helen Dewar  made it abundantly clear the reason for taking the time and the energy to define our values.  She took the time to explain “the value” of values.  How do we use our values to live our lives, to make the choices we need to make and to be true to ourselves.  Are we living in alignment with what we value?

Never before has someone explained it so clearly and so emphatically how values affect everything we say and do in our worlds.  She also explained how we are led to believe things about ourselves which are untrue all because we reacted in defense of those values.  Not everyone shares our set of values – in fact, it’s rare that any two people have exactly the same values or live out their values the same way.  Hitler had values and so did Mother Teresa – what do you think they were?

What Are Your Values?  Do You Really, Really Know What They Are?

You can find a lot of lists on the internet and you can likely come up with about 50 values you “think are a good idea for you”.  Can you really serve all those masters?  Of course not – what are your core values?  Here are a couple of places to begin?

http://www.livingmore.org/wp-content/lm-documents/ValuesList.pdf
http://www.gurusoftware.com/GuruNet/Social/Topics/Values.htm#Values_of_Society

Please note:  often values are mixed in with skills.  Values are far bigger than skills.  Think of values of overall compasses of your life – North, South, West and East, Center

Helen has us boiling it down to five.  5 – try it – you’ll be amazed how difficult this exercise is.

How do you know what your values are?

Watch yourself.  How do you spend your time?

Let’s say that most of your time is spent on family.  You have a job which pays the bills with a little left over for savings but the bulk of your time is spent with family.  You spend a lot of time with your kids, you organize family events all year round and people gather at your house every Sunday for Sunday dinner.  Your home is filled with relatives and friends all the time and you’re talking on the phone with a large collection of family and friends.  Your Facebook account is buzzing with the latest pictures, stories, meetups, etc.

If you value a success in your career,  you spend the majority of your time thinking about your career. You’re constantly thinking how to enhance your career – what can you do next to build that career?  A job is not a job to you but a very important way for you to achieve fulfillment.  You have a coach and a mentor.  You ask questions about getting ahead and you mingle with people you admire.  Jobs are not jobs to you but a stepping stone to greater success in the scope of work.  You spend a lot of time working, thinking about strategies to get ahead and continuously networking.  You’re constantly upgrading your skills and your education to give you the edge.

If you have a value of health, you watch every single bite you take, you exercise almost daily and you do and learn everything possible to stay healthy.  Health seems like an obvious value for all of us, however, that’s not the case.  Most people don’t value their healthy until they lose it.

Where do you spend your time?

What Ticks You Off?

Another way to tell, is what ticks you off at work or when your around other people in your personal life?  Do you react strongly to unfairness or bullying or pet abuse?  The stronger your reaction, the higher your value.

It takes time to decide what your values really are.  It takes a lot of digging.  The first two might not be so difficult but the others will likely cause you to ponder the realities of your being. 

Define what each value means to you.

Why Are Values So Important?

Values are the foundation of who you are, the reality of knowing yourself and the building block for everything else in your life – your career, your relationships, your decision-making, choices you make about everything in your life and the knowing what is right for you in the seemingly complex and confusing parts of your life.  If you know your values intimately, your life will be a lot easier to navigate.

What’s the Alternative?

Chaos.  Lost opportunities.  Working for the wrong organizations.  Putting your trust in people who don’t value what you value.  Hurt.  Anxiety.  Stress.  Disaster.  Dissatisfaction.  Lack of self-esteem.  Name it for yourself -

How Do You Know What I’m Saying is Right?

Because you’ve experienced the results of going against your values.  All humans have.  If your value is family, have you ever fought with someone in your family to the point that you destroy that relationship, you are no longer welcomed in the family unit?  How does it feel?  Feels quite awful because you’d like to keep the family unit whole and happy.  What happened?  You let something get out of hand and went against your family value.  Was it worth it?  What will you do about it?  If you truly value family, you’ll resolve the issue.  If not, then family is not truly a priority, not truly a value but likely someone else’s value or a value that is not all that important to you.

What Good Will It Do To Know These Values?

You’ll be able to plan accordingly.

If you are applying for a job, you’ll take the time to research the companies to which you are applying.  You’ll talk to current employees, you’ll talk to clients and you’ll explore the internet to find everything you can about how they match your values not only in value statements they make but how they honor those values.

You’ll stop yourself before you behave in ways which will contravene your values.  If you value friendships, you’ll forgive transgressions more easily or take the time to resolve any angst or you’ll drop relationships which don’t work for you without regret.  You’ll spend the time building your positive  friendships.

Are Values Critical?

You bet.  Without knowing what they are, you’re a sailboat without a rudder – you’ll wonder all over the place not understanding why your life is not working so well.  The wind and tides of life will send you adrift in a maze of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Is It Too Late?

NEVER.  It’s never, ever too late – that’s a myth perpetuated by society  – nothing is too late as long as you’re alive and functioning.

There are hundreds and hundreds of values – by the time you have selected your top 5 and defined them for yourself, you’ll truly understand the very core of your being.

Methodology

1.  Look over the lists.  Pick out the ones that resonate with you strongy.  Write them down.

2.  Run down the written list, eliminating some.  Then do it again and again and again until you arrive at 5.

3.  Go through each one and ask yourself why you believe it is one of your values.  Write it down.  Then, ask, “Is that true?”.  Give yourself an example how you exhibit that value in your life.

4.  Leave the list alone for a day or so.  Observe yourself.  Hear yourself. Does what you say and do align with your values?  If not, you’ll have to go back to the list and eliminate what you “thought” was a value and, through self-observation, you now realize is not such a strong value after all.  Give yourself no longer than a week to get to complete your list of 5 values.

5.  Write your 5 values on a card and put the card in your wallet.  Put the list up on your computer.  Keep a list by your bedside.

6.  Test the list.  Are the values you have listed truly your values?  How you behave, especially in crisis, will definitely show you whether you are kidding yourself or not.  It won’t take long.  A crisis doesn’t have to be life or death.  It can be any discomfort we experience.  Notice how differently you make choices now.  Notice the clarity with which you conduct your life and how constructively you face disagreements.

Will the values change?  Yes.  As you test the list, you’ll likely amend it.  As your life changes, your values may change.  For instance, if your top value is money, it could very well be that at a stage in your life, you’ll begin to replace that top value with another value which has become paramount such as community.  Community may have been fifth on your list but now it rises to the top and since one of your values is money, you’ll focus on making the best use of the money in your community towards achieving the most impact.

Values do work together though it may not always be obvious.

What are your values?  Have you wondered why you felt like a boat without a rudder?  Think values first.  Decide.

When will you begin to change your life?  Today would be good, right?

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

What’s The Only?

The Only used to be a very tiny little restaurant in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada which was known far and wide.

Why?

It’s a lesson in success:  Provide a good product at a good price with energy, enthusiasm and a smile!  Create “an experience” every single time.   They’ll pack in!

Was it a dump?

The Only may have been considered to be a “dump” by some.  But the diamonds, rubies and gold which shone on some people would tell a different story. They came too – the rich.

On the other hand, the person sitting on the next stool could be someone quite poor.  The rich and the poor mingled every single night, 7 days a week at this little “steamer”.  There was no snobbery – everyone conversed with everyone else – it was the name of the game.

It was very tiny – counters with stools and a couple of tables against the wall.  There was always a waiting line – people crowded at the door like sardines waiting for someone to leave.  The shouts of glee when someone finally got a seat!

The Chinese cooks cooked right in front of the counters – big black woks, steaming away till the last customer was out the door – in the wee, wee hours of the morning – clang, bang, sizzle . . .

The menu was small – very small – clams, mussels, fresh fish, a few noodles and vegetables – that’s it.  But everything was clean and fresh – that’s one of the main attractions – fresh shellfish, fresh vegetables and cooked fresh – right there, right now.

There was no waiter or waitress – just cooks – they took your order – no 1, 2, 3, 4, . . . ..  Done.  In minutes, you had your order!  Sumptuous, flavorful – the wafts of onion and garlic were constant and made those waiting drool in anticipation!

People came back for more – from Toronto, New York, Europe – all over the world – The Only was the place to go!  The word was:  if you didn’t go to The Only, you really missed something special!

What happened?

There are still a few holes in the wall like The Only.  The Only itself succumbed to massive development projects in downtown Vancouver.  Sometimes change is not always what it is cracked up to be!

People still talk about The Only today.  It has never been duplicated.  And yet . . . what a simple and effective business model – fresh food cooked fresh with lots of energy and enthusiasm at a good price and a smile welcoming everyone – rich and poor – and each person was treated the same.  It was an experience!  Everyone was made to feel as though they were part of the scene!

You got to know the names of the cooks.  They spoke very little English but were always friendly and fast. You felt “at home”.

Lorraine Arams
http://www.wizetime.com

Are you interested in success?

We all are.  It’s the reward – feeling good – feeling positive!  It spurs us on to using our time to continue to achieve more and more.

Without achieving some level of success, we find despair.  So what are the secrets to achieving success?  You might this video very interesting – a quick overview of what it takes to be successful.

Keep this video close at hand – when you’re feeling that things aren’t working out, you might want to take a look at this.  It was created by Richard St. John – someone who has studied success for a long time . . .

Here’s to your success – every single day!

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

http://www.wizetime.com/learn-sell-online-websites-save-time-money-energy

http://www.wizetime.com/save-time-money-energy-learning-money-ebay/

http://www.wizetime.com/howtosellinfoproducts

blogging:  http://bit.ly/daGcfQ

How Do you Get Confidence?

Did you ever think about where confidence comes from?  There’s a lot of talk about having confidence in yourself, presenting yourself confidently, and feeling confident.  How do you become confident, feel confident, present yourself as confident?

Start Here

Watch a baby.  If you don’t have a baby, go to a mall or a day care and watch the babies especially the ones who are desperately trying to walk.  What do you see?

Do you see frustration when they try to walk and fall?  Do you see encouragement by the parents?  Do you see the smile on their faces when they successfully take a step?  Do you see them falling again but trying again and again and again to add a step or two each time?  Do you see that “look” when they have been able to add an extra step?

Why do you think they keep trying to walk despite the failures?

Confidence Builder

What happens in this process is building – building of a learned skill – walking – and with every small step, there is success.  With each success comes the desire to do more – to take additional steps.  Eventually, a baby is able to walk after trying for days and days and days.

Eventually, what do they have?  Confidence.  The confidence to walk and, once they can walk, it becomes just “something they do” without having to think about – they’ve attained a new ability.

So What?  What does this have to do with me?

Think about it.  It’s how you build confidence in anything you do and in yourself – one success at a time with  encouraging support from someone  – that’s the secret to getting, having and keeping confidence – build on your successes and get people in your circle who are continually encouraging you.

You need to do it by design.

• acknowledge every single little success along the way and take another step; you won’t always know ahead of time what that next step is but once you’ve reached one step, it’ll be easier to know where you go next – there are no recipes for anything anywhere – you have to get there your way
  
• take out of your circle of people anyone who is negative or not encouraging especially friends and family who are always “cutting you down” or telling you how stupid your ideas are.  You want people who love and encourage you no matter how ridiculous they think your idea might be – it’s your life, not theirs!  The motivation for them may be love or it may be jealousy – it’s not important where the negativity comes from.  All that’s important is that you must surround yourself with people who are interested in encouraging you towards success.  If you haven’t anyone in your circle, pay for somebody – a coach, a mentor -
  
• stay focused on what you want and do something every day to attain that something you want – a promotion, a car, a marriage, wealth, health – anything you want – do something every single day no matter how minor – it’s the habit of building the confidence in yourself one step at a time reminding yourself consistently, every day, that it’s possible to achieve success whether the result is exactly how you had pictured it at the beginning – we do change our minds sometimes as we set out on various journeys.
  

But . . . my life is in the pits!

It’s the only way.

No matter where you are today, begin and especially if your life is in the pits right now!  Start with something in your control eg improving your health – take a walk today and decide what you’ll do tomorrow; improving finances – save a $1 today and plan what you can do tomorrow; get a new friend – join a club doing something you love like hiking, reading books, etc., introduce yourself and get to know people one at a time until you find that person you want to be friends with.

Track it.  Get a small book and track your progress and decide tomorrow’s step.

Soon . . . you’ll have confidence and you’ll wonder why it seemed so difficult to get confidence.  It works for everyone – the key is consistency – every single day building one tiny success upon the tiny success of the previous day and receiving encouragement from others to keep on keeping on because you’ve chosen the right people in your circle.

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

http://www.wizetime.com/learn-sell-online-websites-save-time-money-energy

http://www.wizetime.com/howtosellinfoproducts

http://www.wizetime.com/save-time-money-energy-learning-money-ebay/

http://bit.ly/daGcfQ  – learn to blog and earn

How do you achieve success?

There’s been volumes written about it.  Advice has been dispensed for hundreds of years.  And . . . yet success seems to be elusive for the majority of people – lives of quiet desperation.  What does it take to be successful —- really?

Defining Success

We’ve never been really good at defining success because we automatically think it’s the person who achieves the CEO position in a corporation or the anchor job on a major new network or Oprah style success in the entertainment business or making tons of money to buy mansions, cars, and live the life of luxury.

Actually, many people don’t want to be in the limelight and they don’t want to live in “dripping” wealth but they are made to feel bad because that’s not their dream.

Define success for yourself – what does it mean to you?  Write it down – really, really understand how you define success – what does it look like in your life?  If you want create a collage of it.  Focus on your own dream.

Use What You’ve Got!

Focus solely on your strengths – that’s it – your strengths.  Put all your energy on your talents – forget the rest.  AND place those strengths well . . . be very, very protective of them!.

It’s critical to find the right place where your talents will be nurtured, utilized appreciatively and where you will be treated honestly and fairly financially, emotionally and psychologically.

That’s the tall order in the success world – you need to have the courage to cut your losses as often as it takes in order to find that place in the world where your strengths will be appreciated and rewarded!

That’s the recipe for success – that’s how you get it!

There’s a place for everyone somewhere – the trick is finding that right place and never stopping the search until you’ve “come home” - that place – you’ll just know when you do. I found it – and I blossomed.  Soon, I noticed that different kinds of people found different places which may not have been good for me but which feed them – not every place is for everyone.  Don’t believe other people – check it out for yourself to locate that ideal fit!

How do you get to be successful? It’s simple and ever so challenging – here’s a toast to your great find!

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

Does setting a goal get you the result you want?

After all, you’ve defined what you want in each part of your life, set the date for completion, created some initial steps and it should happen, right?  You’re clear on what you want – you did the work – you honed all your dreams down to the ones you really want.  And you have pictures posted on your wall to remind you every day – a collage of the dreams!

Why doesn’t it for most people?

I used to teach a program in goal setting and it was always amazing to me the extraordinary enthusiasm generated by putting dreams down in writing and going through the process.  People were pumped!!! They were so excited!  Smiles, laughter, a bounce in their step – what a wonderful way to spend an afternoon – setting goals!

A year later, they were all back thinking they had missed something the first time and feeling quite dejected because most of the goals they had set the year before were not achieved; in some cases, none of their goals were realized or only partially.  Their self-esteem was in the tank! What was wrong? Was it the people’s lack of discipline?  Was it that the dream was not strong enough to be realized as a goal?  Were people lazy or just hooked on the dreaming part?  Did they really not want what they think they wanted?

Likely, it was a combination of many reasons the least of which that the same old goal setting process which had been around, tweaked, repackaged and sold over and over again as the thing to do to get to where you are going.   The “repeat customers” told the story of the effectiveness of these systems.

It got me thinking.  When things don’t work, I started trying to figure out why. Then, one day, it dawned on me!  The most critical element omitted by all goal setting programs:  time.  People had a life before they arrived at the goal setting afternoon and none of that life would likely change too much by the end of the afternoon.

I’ve developed a “new twist on an old theme” for you – complimentary – and I know it will work for you if you work the system – why? For one thing, you won’t be overwhelmed right from the start.  And because you won’t be overwhelmed, you’ll like succeed.  And if you succeed, you’ll likely repeat the process.  In the end, you’ll be the winner – your self-esteem will rise and, finally, yes, you’ll be added to the success stories of those who set goals and achieved them!

Who likes a little success in their lives?  Everyone! Once you begin to see that success can be achieved, you’ll keep doing it because you’ll feel good about yourself and your life!

It’s not totally without a cost – I’ll ask for your name and email address – you won’t have to put out any money. I’ll also ask you to send me your success stories – I know it’ll take a while to get your dreams to become a reality, and I’m willing to wait for those great success stories to reach me.

So go to my site:  http://wizetime.com and get your gratis copy of the “Missing Link” PDF and begin living the life you want!

Lorraine Arams

http://www.wizetime.com

It’s Monday!  Get Excited!

One of the first responses I could possibly get is:  Why?

Why?  oh, why?

It’s a new day, a new week, a new chance to start your week right! 

Why not take a few minutes this morning to do this:

a)  write down on paper 7 things you are grateful to have in your life

b)  write down 3 successes you had last week

c)  write down 3 successes you look forward to creating for yourself this week

Imagine . . . you have the time to create what you want!  Isn’t that amazing? 

It’s Monday!  Get Excited!

Lorraine Arams
Get a new goal achieving strategy
today at http://www.wizetime.com

Goals – what do they mean?  How many years have we had formulas for setting goals?  What was the message?  How can we understand goals when we view the Olympics?

The underlying message with setting goals was this:  set the goals according to a set formula, work the goals and you’ll achieve them – all of them – you’ll have the success you desire!

Personally, I questioned the goal setting exercises and formulas?  Why?  Because what I saw in the world was this:

• people who never set goals and achieved a great deal
• people who set goals and achieved some
• people who didn’t know what a goal or goal system was and yet achieved a satisfying life

I worked with seniors for five years and had some good chats with many of them.  I learned from some of them, the dreams they had when they were young and learned that most of them never really got to live their dreams.  Why?  Social norms, wars, parental pressures, illness, death in the family, lack of money, luck, etc.  Others achieved way beyond what they could ever dream.  Why?  Met the right people for all the wrong reaons, luck, family ties and connections, monetary resources readily available, good health, etc. 

Did you ever notice that when someone achieves success, interviewers ask them if they had a goal.  Sometimes the answer was yes and sometimes they said they achieved more than they could ever imagine. 

I wondered why interviewers  never talked to people who had failed and asked them if their goal was to fail.  Doesn’t make sense, does it?  No one sets out to fail.

Watching the Olympics and interviews with the athletes, all the athletes said they had a goal to get GOLD!  Every single one!  So, then why is it they didn’t? 

Did they fail to set a goal?  Did they fail to work hard to achieve that goal?  Did they not have a plan?  Did they have all the advice and training they required?  Did they make sacrifices?  Did they visualize?  Did they receive psychological training? Did they have the equipment they needed?  Were there facilities for them to practice?  Were there other competitions to win or lose?  Was there money available for them to prepare properly, have the right nutrition, get the right exercises to strengthen their bodies, etc?  The list is endless.

And this exemplifies for us the fallacy that goal setting is a definitive model for achieving what we want in life – there are no guarantees that with or without goals, a person will achieve what they want out of life.  Everyone has a dream to achieve something.  For some, it materializes.  For others, the majority of the people, it doesn’t. The majority of the athletes will go home without a medal.  One athlete left the Olympics in casket – was that his dream?

At the Olympics, it’s very clear that, despite everyone dreaming, training, working hard, competing, sacrificing, spending money, planning, etc., not everyone gets a gold medal.  As it is for every other goal in life, there are many vying to achieve the same goal – only some will get there.  If everyone could achieve a particular goal, why would anyone dream of achieving it in the first place?  It would just happen.

Life is like that -  not everyone achieves the goals they set or live their dreams.  Why?  Because, as in sports, there are a multitude of factors including unforeseen obstacles to derail your dreams, people who have better luck than you, people who intentionally or unintentionally knock you out of contention, or events which impact your ability to reach your objective.

Should we set goals?  We all do.  Whether we formalize them on paper or not, we all have dreams.  Some of us will achieve all of our dreams, others something else entirely and for the majority, some goals some of the time.  

Is it still a good idea to go through goal processes and exercises?  I think it is if only to clarify what you really want and set realistic expectations of what is and is not possible.  Perhaps the goal of settings goals should be:  setting realistic expectations based on our strenghts and on the factors which will help or hinder us from getting what we want.   

Can the impossible be achieved?  Of course but a multitude of factors have to come together at just the right time, in the right circumstances, with the right people and mesh like no other – is that a goal?  Of course not. We can only control what we can control – everything else is unpredictable.  Calculating the odds of attaining what we want is probably a better plan!  

The Olympics can teach us a great deal about goals, about our attitudes towards not achieving the ultimate goal and about what’s really important – to live the best life we can – it won’t be for many as we had imagined – it could be better – it could be worse – it is what it is!  

How will we live the best life we can with what is available to us?

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