Though she died on Tuesday, she is still very much alive in my mind. The energy of her life remains on earth. Her emails to me are still on my computer and I still think she’s there though I know better.
A geology professor of mine who was in his seventies at the time made a remarkable opening statement to our class. He said he was not afraid of dying because he knew he would would live forever. We were stunned by his remark – we didn’t understand at all what he meant. He went on to tell us that no one ever really dies. All matter is energy, atoms in a particular form. He had us looking around at the room and explained that everything we saw and touched all came from the raw materials on our earth even if we didn’t connect with it that way at the moment. He pointed to the materials in the ceiling, floors, desks, plants, shoes, clothes, etc. Everything in our surroundings came from some other form – ore, petroleum, soil (plant fibers), water, wood from trees and so on. Our energy continues at infinitum in the world. He pointed to the formation of fossils from living creatures, the ash of burning materials returning to the earth from where they came and the materials from our earth which was once a liquid in the center of our earth. We are all just energy – molecules shaped in a particular form which will continue to change as our body deterioriates and people’s memories fade once we die. But in one form or another we will always be here – we will never truly die.
Our memories, a form of energy, fade but we still remember, don’t we? Every once in a while I remember people who were part of my life in one way or another and died a long time ago and yet I give them energy by remembering theirs.
The reality is she and I will never again sit together with a glass of wine in our hands, laughing, talking, dancing, being silly and connecting over the little dramas of our lives.
I’m glad to have known her on the physical level of our existence on earth. Our relationship has changed. Her spirit, her energy on all levels and her being as I knew them are now gone. I will always cherish the little time we shared and certainly as long as I live I will remember her – she will never be gone without a trace.